


Sleeping Delivery

by BBnibini



Series: Sublimation [3]
Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: But I guess you can ship it if you want, Fluff, Introspection, Light Angst, Other, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Sharing a Bed, Spoilers, With a side of "Banri no Gohan" in between just because
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-01-27 02:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBnibini/pseuds/BBnibini
Summary: Everyone in the Mankai company has trouble falling asleep so Azuma makes it a mission to give all of them a peaceful night's rest, one cuddle at a time. (Warning: Fluff)
Relationships: Settsu Banri & Everyone, Yukishiro Azuma & Everyone
Series: Sublimation [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1461574
Comments: 25
Kudos: 202





	1. Prologue

There was something...off about the air. It was too peaceful...strained even. Azuma looked around and everyone seemed to have similar expressions pasted on their faces. Bloodshot eyes, pimples and noticeable eyebags--it was truly a horrifying sight to see. Even Yuki, his fellow beauty aficionado wasn't very radiant today.

"Did something happen, everyone?"

A sudden silence, then before he knew it...19 grown men and an adult woman are tugging him at all sides, crying out their woes and worries at 6 in the morning.

"Azuma!!"

"Yukishiro!"

"Azuu!!! It's horrible!"

Good grief. He could hardly hear them all.

"One at a time, everyone-"

"AZUMA!" Everyone cried for his name and his tiny demand all fell on deaf ears.

"Y-yes?" Yet there was something endearing with their eagerness. They all even bowed at him in unison. How cute~

"Please help us!"

"Eh?"

Little did he know, the start of his many long nights were just beginning. 


	2. Cherry Blossom Good Nights (Sakuya Sakuma)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azuma realized he needed Sakuya beside him more than he.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little PSA: This story covers the current available main story chapters of the localized English version.

"P-pardon the intrusion...!" the door creaked open ever so slightly, welcoming a pair of red eyes slipping through the cracks. It would have been quite a scary story to tell if he wasn't expecting a visitor tonight.

"No need to be so tense." Azuma did his best to ease the young boy's nerves. "Saku, please come in."

"Y-yes!" Unfortunately, building rapport with him seemed to need a lot more work than he assumed. Sakuya was moving robotically. His eyes wandered everywhere while his arms clutched his own pillow very tightly.

Since rock paper scissors was banned due to a certain psychological expert with a name ending with "Mugi" being one of the participants, everyone decided to have a rotation on Azuma's therapy by drawing lots. Besides Itaru who had his reservations(and bitter opposition), about the results, Sakuya had been the resounding "winner". Any complaints about "gacha pulls" and "luck" from the said gamer were ultimately ignored.

Azuma didn't believe in urban legends when he first resided in the Mankai Dorms. There had been several curious incidents but nothing noteworthy to write home about. Matsukawa's claims this time had been scarily convincing though.

"Ooh this is definitely one of Mankai's oldest mysteries coming into play. In fact, it's one of the worst kinds!" The cheerfulness of his delivery had been understandably ill-received. Tenma was pale as a sheet all throughout and if not for Sakyo's interference, he swore the young celebrity would be one footstep away from the afterlife himself.

The_ "Tarantella Phenomenon™"_:one of Mankai's many urban legends. It is not a cursed object like the Torment Doll, nor is it a helpful device like the Loupe of Sincerity. Rather, it is an event mimicking textbook examples of "mass hysteria" that occurs every so and so years in the facility. During huge turning points of Mankai staff's careers, everyone, if not the majority of its actors are swept by several illnesses or unexplained illusions and behaviors. One of Matsukawa's most noteworthy examples is the first spring troupe's "Bikini Incident" where everyone from the aforementioned group picked up exhibitionist tendencies and stripped buck naked in the cold winter season for almost an entire month. After many traumatized souls, several hospital trips and some needed expert's intervention, the spring troupe recovered and delivered their most successful play that cemented the legacy of the Mankai company for years to come.

Was it Matsukawa's weird form of loosening the tension? Or was he actually telling the truth? No one knows. What Azuma did know was everyone needed his help and he was more than happy to give everyone their needed rest.

"I suppose you're not yet ready to sleep yet. Do you want...to participate in a nightly activity?" any hint of suggestion was lost in the purehearted boy's response.

"A jog sounds great right now!"

"Who are you, Tasuku?" Azuma chuckled and shook his head. "I wouldn't want you to sleep all sweaty and tired. What I meant by _'nightly activities'_ is this," Azuma gave him an opened page of a coloring book and some crayons.

"What is this? "

"It's exactly what you think it is." Azuma smiled in response. "Art is a perfect way to express yourself, especially any pent-up feelings. It's also very dependent on who's doing it, so you can easily be yourself while making them." he showed the red-haired boy some compiled examples in his clear book. "In fact, some of the actors here have made some very pretty works themselves."

Sakuya's eyes shined as he flipped through the pages. "These are really good!"

"Right?"

"Can I really do this?"

"Of course~!"

There was no tension in Sakuya's gait anymore that Azuma felt himself sigh in relief. "Take your time~ And remember, there is no right nor wrong way to do this."

Sakuya nodded, immediately starting on his work. This gave Azuma plenty of time for the next preparations.

Sakuya was cute in a diligent and clumsy way. He reminded the silver haired man of sunshine and spring, that was why he prepared him a scent that exemplified those traits. It didn't take long for his room to be filled with the sweetness of cherry blossoms. He made sure to light up enough candles to last them until morning.

Sakuya's concentration was eventually interrupted as he finally noticed the calming scent of Sakura in the air. When he looked at the older man, he was met with his usual, mysterious smiles. "It's aromatherapy and it's good for you."

"Oh, I think I read about that." The redhead happily hummed to himself. "It does feel really calming."

"Actually, this scent is you."

"Eh?" Azuma laughed at his expected response. 

"It's a refreshing, gentle scent isn't it? I had it made with you in mind."

As if on cue, the boy's face blushed a deep red shade. "O-oh...you thought of me that much. I'm so happy..."

"Caring about clients on a personal level comes with the job. People can easily tell who is being genuine from who is not, and faking concern isn't what cuddle therapy is about at all." He took a peek at Sakuya's progress and smiled to himself. He was almost finished. 

"You're amazing, Azuma. Really you are." Sakuya smiled back and continued with his coloring. "You were always one of the most mature people in this company, and everyone just naturally feels comfortable with you. But..."

"Hm?"

The young boy was done with his work. With a satisfied nod, he handed his finished coloring to the silver haired man. "If you are the one caring about everyone, who takes care of you?" the sadness in Sakuya's eyes indicated he was not saying these words out of cruelty, but rather in empathy. 

Azuma's heart was pricked with a gentle ache. No one had really asked him that question before, but it was true. He had been so afraid of being alone that he thought this was the best thing he could do. For experiencing pain and loss could give even the most naive person a deeper kindness than one realized; a form of kindness that was selfless and selfish at the same time. If he were being honest, he was aware it was a self-serving desire to help others, holding their hand and covering their eyes from a similar pain he had experienced in the past. 

"Azuma?" 

Oh. The coloring book. He didn't realize Sakuya had been holding it out all this time. 

"Sorry..."He took it back and looked at his work in approval. "Such gentle colors, you did very well."

Sakuya laughed nervously. "I only did what you told me. And uhm...it helped really...I feel my muscles loosening up afterwards!" 

"Is that so? Well, it seems to me you're ready for bed." The older man guided him to the neatly kept double bed. Azuma always had a bigger bed prepared for his job as he realized with several conversations with a certain curry alien that he had been doing therapy not only for his clients but also for himself. 

He prepared the sheets in Sakuya's favorite colors, and his side of the bed was filled with plush toys he hadn't given away to his child clients. "You're free to take one home if you want. It always makes the little ones happy." 

"Little ones?" 

Azuma tucked the red head to his blankets and lied down next to him. 

"Oh, I have child clients sometimes. Their parents are often busy at work so I often had them cuddle with plush toys while I cuddle with their guardian." 

"T-their guardian?!" 

"Children are sensitive to gestures of intimacy. By cuddling with someone they know, they will instinctively feel more comfortable with cuddling with a stranger."

"That...makes sense. Wait--" 

"Of course I'm aware Saku isn't a child~" Azuma teased. 

"Is...the cuddling thing...really..." 

"Hm?" 

"W-well...I mean, I haven't really done this with anyone before..."

"We can skip the cuddling if you want--" 

"Oh no! I want to!" 

.... 

"Pfft. You're so cute, Saku~ Here." He faced his way and offered his arms to him. "Come closer. I won't bite~" 

He could sense Sakuya's reluctance, then, his rapid heartbeats. His shoulders tensed again so he made some soothing gestures on his back to reassure him. 

"Saku?" 

The boy had been silent for a while. Azuma didn't speak and relished on the darkness, pretending not to hear the quiet sobbing in his chest and his shirt gradually getting stained with tears. 

Their first night together had been quiet, but he knew Sakuya made good progress. The boy looked a lot better when he woke up the next day. 

* * *

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Azuma." Sakuya's turn came again. Unlike before, he was more comfortable with physical contact. 

"I keep on telling you, it's fine." Azuma said reassuringly, smiling. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Yeah, actually." Sakuya's pensive look was a rare sight compared to his usual bright expressions. 

"The way you hugged me that night...it reminded me of Mother."

Azuma didn't speak, urging his bedfellow for the night to continue. 

"I lost them when I was young, and was passed around by my relatives for most of my life. It was hard...to find a true place where I belong." his next words sounded muffled as he nuzzled on Azuma's shoulder. "I always felt like I'm an outsider."

He knew that feeling all too well. So perhaps that was why he felt so at ease with the younger actor. They both had similar painful experiences in the past that he unconsciously felt obligated to protect him. 

"What about now, Saku? Are you at home?" He already knew the boy's answer in his heart. 

"Yeah!" Because by god, he felt the same way. 

* * *

The nights with him that followed were less strained than before. Everyone had different stories to tell and all were lovely in their own way, but Azuma realized he had been seeking out Sakuya's nightly company more than usual. 

It was amazing, really. Sakuya felt like a mirror of his past. But unlike the him who embraced the darkness on his own, Sakuya is fighting against it and he found it...so beautiful. He wanted to root for him to the very end. It might be wrong to feel this way, really. But Sakuya felt like a real life retelling of a not-so-happy ending going well in its own way, a brighter reality he might have attained if he himself looked at the world the same way Sakuya looked at it. He couldn't help but give his heartfelt support as the younger actor follows his heart and reaches for his dreams. 

"It's amazing, Azuma. Having a place to return to makes me realize how narrow my world was. Everyday is always exciting!" 

"It is?" he couldn't help but be taken aback as his bedfellow seemed to have read his own thoughts. 

"Mhm! The world is a beautiful place isn't it?" 

Perhaps it was, but sometimes, the world creates some things that are far more beautiful than itself. 

"What is it, Azuma?" 

"It's nothing~ Keep going!" 

Ah well, he'd keep that thought to himself...for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. The title and the concept itself is inspired by the otome game, Sleeping Delivery. If you haven't checked out that game yet, I recommend trying it cause it's really good and it's free!
> 
> I have already written the prompts for every character and here is the official order for the draw lots. Titles are subject to change(RIP Tsuzuru #LetHimSleep):
> 
> 1\. Sakuya (Cherry Blossom Good Nights) ~done~
> 
> 2\. Banri (Dreaming of Cosmos) ~done~
> 
> 3\. Izumi (Curry On) ~done~
> 
> 4\. Homare (A Rose in Your Name) ~done~
> 
> 5\. Juza (Sweet Dreams, Amaryllis) 
> 
> 6\. Hisoka (A Well-needed Rest for the Restless Anemone)
> 
> 7\. Tsumugi (Daffodil's Lullaby)
> 
> 8\. Masumi (Sincerely, Your Violet)
> 
> 9\. Muku (The Bellflower Prince and the Curry Princess)
> 
> 10\. Tasuku (The Yawn of the Orchid)
> 
> 11\. Kazunari (A Hibiscus' Slumber Party)
> 
> 12\. Yuki (Patchwork Lily)
> 
> 13\. Citron (Jasmine: The Cuddle Expert-in Training!) 
> 
> 14\. Itaru (Gerbera's Ultimate Min-Max Method)
> 
> 15\. Sakyo (A Chrysanthemum's Code of Honor)
> 
> 16\. Misumi (Dahlia and the Three-sided Red Roof Incident)
> 
> 17\. Taichi (Fleeting Pansy)
> 
> 18\. Tenma (Pacifying the Sunflower)
> 
> 19\. Omi (Somnolent Carnation's Zoetrope)
> 
> 20\. Tsuzuru (A Warm Blanket and Butterfly Kisses for the Dandelion)


	3. Dreaming of Cosmos (Banri Settsu)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angry rebellious yankii son flails about awkwardly in bed as his "mother" tells him bedtime stories. Only...they actually aren't bedtime stories but a collection of Homare's poetry.

Childhood had been easier to go back to after acclimating himself to the Mankai Company. Azuma recalled his old neighborbood's playground: its sandboxes and creaky swings, playmates he could barely remember the faces of, but most especially those particular playmates who took a lot of effort to warm up to. They were simply to say, unforgettable. They would observe everyone from afar and claim they were "too old" for whatever games everyone was playing, but would look in envy at the other kids running about with smiles in the faces. Or they would join if a kid they liked would start playing, but continue to pretend to be forced into it until the look of happiness on their faces gave them away and they were the last to go home. 

Isn't that kind of kid similar to Banri?

He had known it since the beginning. The young man's unrest was different from everyone else.

"Good evening, Banri." even the way he looked at him was different. He was on guard at a different manner from Sakuya. But it was amusing to pretend he didn't know anything, so Azuma kept his mouth shut.

"Evenin'" he was relaxed, lying on the edge of the bed. Azuma blinked at his eagerness and continued to feign his ignorance.

"So, how is this cuddlin' thing gonna work? I'm tired as hell."

Ah, maybe a little teasing wouldn't hurt?

"We start by stripping naked and warming each other with our bare bodies." he made sure to emphasize on the words 'strip' and 'naked', gauging on Banri's reaction with a trained stoicness. 

"W-what the hell?! Are you kidding me?"

...and it might have worked a little too well. The teenager was blushing to the tip of his ears, looking at him and then the edges of his shirt as if seriously considering on taking everything off.

"The hell is this psychology thing? You therapists are weird."

"It's a joke, Banri-kun."

"Ah, it was a joke--" Azuma's words hit him with sudden clarity. "Of course it was a joke! W-why would I think you're being serious?!"

"I have a question," Azuma only smiled as he usually did, "...Do you actually need my help?" but his words, especially to Banri, sounded heavy.

He saw the younger man swallow. "What are you talking about?"

"You can sleep fine on your own, correct? Why did you lie to everyone else?" 

It was no use pretending he wasn't okay, especially to a trained professional. The weight of his lies crashed down at him at Azuma's prying that it made him seriously feel tired for the first time.

"How did you figure me out? No one else noticed anything unusual."

He only smiled mysteriously at the young man's question.

"Forget it! I'll leave if you want me to."

"No need. I promised cuddles and you will get them~" 

And by god, did Azuma deliver.

Despite his coolheaded exterior, Banri was tense all over. Azuma carefully encircled the young man in his arms and made him lay on his chest. His heartbeats were slow and steady, that eventually...Banri became accustomed to them and he started relaxing as well.

"There's nothing wrong with being a little more honest, right?"

"...%&...&%...." Banri's voice could barely be heard. Azuma did not hurry him. Instead, he continued talking to himself, adjusting their position every so often so their muscles wouldn't sleep and go numb at them.

"Matsukawa is full of amusing stories. And Tenma's reactions to all of them were rather cute~" he started running his hand on Banri's hair, making slow and soft strokes. "I am sleeping just fine unlike everyone else too, and I admit it does feel a bit lonely...like I'm missing something out, even if it's an inconvenient experience..."

"Why are you telling me this?" Banri's words may seem harsh, but he was also pouting when he said them, perhaps unaware. Azuma decided to keep that information to himself with a quiet smile.

"Hmmm...rather than telling you, let's just say I'm talking to myself and you just happened to hear it."

"...you really are a weirdo."

"Haha, thank you~"

"I'm not complimenting you!"

To his credit though, Banri didn't seem as tense. He still had some reservations, and would probably never admit he was right, but his lack of physical opposition and colorful expressions suggest he is dealing with his problems in his own way. Azuma was already content with that.

Banri started reciprocating his embrace, and lied on bed with him. Unsurprisingly muscular, Azuma kept a laugh to himself with the boy's forceful gestures. 

"You're weird but, you're pretty damn good."

"Thanks again~" 

"I didn't compliment you earlier!" 

Azuma let out a chuckle, continuing to stroke his hair. "Is there anything in particular bothering you?" 

Banri looked at him incredulously. "Is this still part of the treatment?" 

"Maybe? Maybe not?~" 

"Argh! Dammit! Which is it?" 

Today's scent is sandalwood. He decided to change it up a bit and bought a new humidifier and some essential oils. When he caught a whiff of the sandalwood oil, he immediately thought of Banri and how it was fitting for him: a manly yet gentle scent. 

"Just think of me as a body pillow. Air out any thoughts or complaints and I won't say a word. It's a lot better than bottling them up."

"And that's supposed to make me sleep better?"

Banri proceeded to complain in a more pronounced manner, expressing his disbelief and unconsciously using harsh words to express his anxiety. This gradually deflated Azuma's enthusiasm, but he kept pressing on. 

Azuma raised a brow and impishly smiled. "Do you want to end the night so quickly?"

"Wh-what are you talking about?! What are you implying?" Banri cried out all in stutters and a deep red blush in his face.

"Oh my my, what are you thinking?"

"I can't breathe! You're holding on too tightly!"

As if readying to leave, Banri's eyes were at the door. 

"Oh dear. I didn't want to do things by force but you leave me with no choice..."which only made Azuma's grasp tighten.

....

There was much struggle between the two, but the younger man eventually relented after losing to Azuma both mentally and physically. He may have been pretending when he came through the door a few hours ago, but now he is actually tired in more ways than one.

"Were you always like this?" Banri looked up at Azuma, who was supporting his head with his chest. Azuma may seem delicate and frail in appearance but he can be very stubborn especially in things he felt passionate about. Banri just didn't expect cuddling of all things was serious business to him. Then again, Azuma is Azuma. 

"Are you that angry I lied to you?" 

"Oh, I'm not angry--" 

"Scary! Scary! Change your tone if you're not!" 

Hm? Was he angry? Did he really seem that upset over a small, white lie? 

"Rather than angry, perhaps I was frustrated. Maybe my useless adult pride got hurt in the process,"

Azuma's tone sounded incredibly sad. He initially thought he was doing fine compared to the others, but perhaps his tiredness wasn't a lack of sleep...but something different entirely. 

"I don't like feeling lonely, and having to face your rejection may have hurt me, even if it was unintentional in your part."

Perhaps a part of him felt envious of Banri. Perhaps Sakuya was right, maybe he wanted to act spoiled from time-to-time. 

How childish. 

"Sorry..." Banri muttered softly, almost whispering. "I didn't mean to belittle your credibility in your job. It's just..." 

"You don't need to apologize. In fact, I feel like I should instead." Banri felt the soft impact of the pillows surrounding him as Azuma let him go. 

"I'm sorry, Banri. And thank you."

* * *

"The hell are you going? Some fancy funeral? At 9 PM?!"

Contrary to anyone's assumptions, Banri and Juza had been quite agreeable with each other, especially as everyone cycled in the cuddling sessions with Azuma. The therapy had been working wonders for all of them and the usual flaring tempers and loud arguments conveniently mellowed down.

...until now.

Banri's side of the room was messy. All sorts of decorative items were strewn on the floor, receipts from different stores, paper bags, a box of well-hidden sweets from a famous pastry shop near the station (and away from Juza's prying eyes)...you name it. If Sakyo were to run into them at this very moment, he would be fuming with anger.

Perhaps the most eye-catching trinket was the huge bouquet of white camellias on his study table. Banri of course, being ignorant in the intricacies of flower language didn't realise he bought funeral flowers. But why does it matter? It was pretty and Azuma looked like he might like them.

That's right.

All the ridiculous gifts Banri had prepared was for Azuma. He still felt bad about what happened at their previous session, especially when he noticed Azuma had looked more tired than usual. He knew that it may be presumptuous of him to think it was entirely his fault, but god dammit he wanted to make things right anyway!

Maybe if he asked Izumi or some other person with more relationship experience (and DEFINITELY not Taichi), then his gestures wouldn't seem so excessive.

"Shaddup bonehead and get out of the way!" he really didn't want to bother arguing with an idiot like Juza. He's already stressed enough as it is. That was why when his roommate talked back, he pretended not to hear.

He can worry about Sakyo later as well. He had more important things to do. Why did he buy so many shit again? 

...

When Banri decided to be discreet, he didn't realize he actually caused a commotion. However, because he was more hung up on patching things up with Azuma, he ignored Omi's concerned inquiries about his gifts, or Izumi's troubled looks, misunderstanding his gifts as cemetery offerings to some relative they didn't know had passed away. 

Then came everyone's ridiculous assumptions:

"Poor Banri. Someone died in his family that's why he can't sleep."

"Banri, why didn't you tell us your pet chinchilla died?" (He didn't have a pet chinchilla!) 

...to more ridiculous theories like:

"Azuma is dead?!" 

But he never noticed, and the door to Azuma's room shut with a soft thud. 

"Evenin'" 

"Good evening. What's with all the noise outside?" 

"Dunno...here. Take them."

From flowers to handmade cards and a box of raindrop cake from a famous store, Banri was confident Azuma will forgive him. He did a lot of research and even asked around for advice. There was always his "final plan" he is ready to set in motion in case things would go wrong. 

When Azuma received his gifts with a confused yet warm smile, Banri felt a huge weight off his chest. 

"Look, I'm sorry. I was being evasive. I didn't realize I was hurting your feelings. It doesn't mean your job is lame or you're bad at it. I just...don't want to be left behind."

There! He said it. He had been practicing his lines all day and he barely stuttered. Of course he wouldn't. He is good at everything.

But the moment Azuma said his reply, he felt like all that effort was meant for nothing. 

"What for?" There was an absence of mischief in Azuma's expression, showing a genuinely clueless face. 

"Eh? B-but...on our last session..."

"Eh?" 

"Hah?" 

Was it all a misunderstanding? 

"You said you were hurt I wasn't opening up to you, even lying to you! And then you sent me back and--" 

"Oh..." Azuma finally had the time to look around and realize the funeral flowers, the unintentionally misleading words in his cards, then the commotion outside that was getting louder every second were all connected to each other. Before he knew it, he was doubling in laughter. 

"W-what's so funny!?" 

Azuma's body shook as he tried to hold back more. "You're so cute, Banri."

"Cu--" He felt a trickle of heat on his face, reddening his cheeks. Oh. "Hey! I was worried to death, okay?!" 

"Speaking of death..." Azuma opened up his bedroom door and saw a group of sleepless nerds sobbing loudly and hugging each other in comfort. 

"DON'T DIE ON US, AZUMA!!" 

They may be feeling a lot better than before but all of them had a LONG way to go. Azuma let out a sigh. 

"My, my...as you can see, I'm very much alive."

It took a while to calm everyone down and send them back to their rooms. It was admittedly one of Banri's longest and most stressful nights, and definitely (blackmail) an amusing story for Azuma to look back on someday. 

Needless to say, after talking it out with Azuma, the older man requested to cuddle so he can be "forgiven". 

Banri realized that...getting free cuddles every now and then didn't seem so bad. 

* * *

"You were right, Azuma."

"Hm?"

It had been several sessions since Banri's surprising...gifts. It was true he did feel hurt but he didn't really think that much about it. Imagine his surprise when Banri genuinely apologized to him that night. It was a treat seeing the boy he knew, who was usually cool and detached fumble at his words and looked so much like a humble, shy boy. And he heedlessly teased him for it from time-to-time.

There was a frown in the surprisingly adorable boy's face. "These poems are something else."

"I think it's cute. Let's read some more~"

"Have mercy..."

After a touching heart-to-heart talk with Homare in his own session, the other surprisingly adorable man gave him an anthology of his favorite self-written poetry. Homare excitedly implored him to share "its artistic genius with a charitable heart", so this charitable heart of his, who took a great fondness in teasing a certain prideful young man heeded to Homare's words and shared his poems with Banri before bedtime(much to the other's disapproval).

"Then why do you look so eager when I flip to another page?" 

"S-Shut up..."

Banri didn't seem to dislike it, but he couldn't understand it either. Azuma liked the serious look he had in his face everytime he attempted to interpret a passage and felt like a proud mother when he gave his sincere thoughts about it. Who would have thought someone as unmotivated as Banri could be serious too? Homare was delighted in Banri's "interest" and made more bedtime poems specifically for him.

"It's warm...and it smells like the first time I came here." Banri cooed in satisfaction as Azuma stroked his head like he always did; Azuma basically signed up his unwilling bedfellow to a lifetime supply of Homare Arisugawa's baffling poems...

"It's sandalwood and it's your scent." Azuma smiled back and huddled him closer. 

...so now, every time it was his turn to sleep with him, a Banri Settsu, adorably stubborn as he is kind at heart would knock at his door, asking for cuddles and nothing more... 

"Good night, Azuma."

"Good night, Banri."

...and he wasn't complaining in the slightest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read through it again and cringed at the typo errors. Here's an edited one. Sort of.


	4. Curry On (Izumi Tachibana)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two people whose loved ones had left them in different ways talk about the things they found at loss. Or not.

"Sorry, I had to clean up. Have you been waiting long?"

"Not at all. Thank you for your hard work, Director-chan♡~"

There was a subtle charm in the director's flustered expression that made Azuma smile. Despite her sleepless state, she still insisted on cooking them meals, never losing her fervor. She was even willing to trade her number with someone else, if not for Masumi getting angry for her sake (Omi however, did not budge and switched orders with Itaru). And now, despite her tired state, she was pretending to be strong. The mask she wore as the director of the Mankai company was wearing her out and she wasn't even noticing it.

"A-Azuma?"

Her hair was soft as he stroked it. "Work is over, Director-chan~ You can relax now." How curious a person she is, having such an innocent face while being patted on the head. Azuma had the urge to protect her like a small animal.

"You've worked hard. Well done~" His smile, thankfully had been contagious. Izumi looked best with a smile on her face after all. 

"Thank you...err. My head."

"Hm? Is something wrong with your head?"

"Hopefully not! A little personal space would be nice! "

"Fuuuu~ all right~~" teasing her had been a shortlived amusement, unfortunately. She was a tough opponent to beat. 

Izumi didn't take crap from anyone, and was very firm in her beliefs. He presumed it was best she stayed like this especially in such rambunctious company, but that also meant it's one less victim for his flights of fancy--

No, he was a perfectly functional adult who had very proper hobbies. Teasing younger people and poking fun at their innocence was beyond him. Probably. 

"Director-chan minds being patted, but she doesn't mind hugs, I hope?"

"That's why I came here, right?"

Azuma shook his head and smiled. Ah, her uncute-ness is what makes her so cute though! "Alright, just confirming with you~ Consent is important after all~"

And yet the impenetrable wall of Izumi Tachibana never faltered at any of his teasing. He would see a blush or two from time-to-time, but the woman had even bigger balls of steel compared to most of the male actors and was firm with her rejections...and occasional unintentional bouts of "slight"...intensity(often involving curry); this made him wonder.

Why is it that he wanted to tease her and have the urge to incite any sort of reaction from her whenever they meet? Certainly it felt that way for the other Mankai actors, but for Izumi, that tendency of his to make trouble and ruffle a few feathers heightened. It felt like...a doting older brother to his indifferent younger sister. The realization made him laugh.

"Do I really look that weird with mud mask on?" Izumi consciously inquired, to which Azuma shook his head.

"Rather than weird, I think a mud-covered Director-chan is the peak of adorableness."

"...your beauty standards are very concerning."

To improve her skin's condition, Azuma offered to give her a facial and even a skin care routine she can easily follow without it being too time consuming for her. He had found out that it was not actually the intensity of her work that made her develop insomnia; rather the effects of her previous all nighters made her body clock all messed up. Now she couldn't get any sleep at her usual bedtime no matter how much she tried. He had several clients who had the same problem, and treatment had honestly been difficult. Izumi's condition needs more information and observation before he can give her an intervention. In short...

"I understand. I have to be honest with you."

"I'm glad you agreed so quickly! It would make things easier for both of us. Oh, how is the Aztec mask? Is the apple cider vinegar irritating your skin?"

Izumi shook her head, her nose scrunching up a bit. "It smells bad."

With that, he and Izumi shared a laugh.

"It's a very good product though. Far cheaper than your prescriptions." he added small talk in between his interview. He understood there was still a stigma for mental illnesses even in a modern country as Japan. Izumi had been very vague about her specific "prescriptions", but he could recognize the familiar color of the tablets in her pillbox. It was just a matter of how he would bring it up. So far, he had been venturing on safe topics, repeating some complaints or grievances she shared with him in the past. The prices of her medicine in particular, had slipped out of her tongue several weeks ago when she was in a worse condition than how she is now.

"I've been thinking of stopping them. The side effects weren't worth it," he caught surprise in her expression, as if asking him "how they hell do you still remember that?" with her eyes, and she immediately looked down. 

"How long have you been taking them? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Izumi continued to answer with her head hanging low. "Sorry..."

"Oh, it's fine! I'm sorry for pressuring you."

"No! I--" it was difficult for him to gauge how she was feeling with how she was facing him. "I need to say it. It's gone on long enough."

She felt cold. He caught a whiff of the apple cider vinegar on her face. "Do you want to hold my hand?" she had been unconsciously feeling his fingertips, as if craving for human touch: a gentle touch for whatever emotional turmoil he had unkindly opened up for her.

"I've been dreaming of him...my father." her trembling hands felt so small on his own. "It didn't bother me much before, but perhaps the stress I'm feeling lately made me more... vulnerable." Azuma didn't speak, offering his shoulder to lean on. Izumi had been troubled because she was still wearing a mask that hadn't dried properly yet, but one shake of Azuma's head assured her that he didn't care of a ruined shirt or two.

"We had this conversation already...I believe at that room with a weird door. Remember?" Azuma nodded, a pensive look on his face.

"Izumi-san...I couldn't completely understand what you're feeling right now, but...I want you to know that your words saved me back then...so this time, I want to save you too." It might be a gift, often observed with professionals at his field and it was one troublesome gift--making people cry; he often wondered if such a gift were a blessing or a curse. 

"It must have been hard. And that's okay." He wrapped her in his arms and stroked her head. "Thank you for your hard work, Izumi-san."

* * *

Sadness and loneliness didn't need to be a lonely affair. In fact, Azuma found sharing a portion of your sadness, anxieties and worries to an equally troubled person can be a source of strength for you both. Izumi was a strong character. She possessed an iron will and determination that felt refreshing, especially for the more cynical majority of her peers. If he were to describe her in two words only, she was most definitely an "organized mess". 

Yet despite how messed up her life probably is right now; so much that even an outsider can notice the discord, she gave the impression that she could handle it. Perhaps that was also why she had been shouldering all of it on her own. 

"Izumi-san..." he muttered, shifting his position in bed to face her. 

"Hm?" 

"We don't have to talk about it anymore if you prefer it."

He saw her smile in the dimly lit room. "Of course you'd say that. But will you let me be in your company anyway?" 

"Pfft. Of course~"

So they didn't. He already heard plenty in that unopening door and her vinegar-induced monologues. He saw enough to want to quietly support her in any way he could. He already knew enough from her quiet sobs in a corner she thought had been well-hidden. 

Loneliness and sadness, he surmised could already be shared by accepting someone's pain as your own. Sometimes, words are not needed, and so were more superficial gestures he often observed in mixed media. 

In the words of the renowned psychologist Alfred Adler, humans were born weak and defenseless. Yet this weakness didn't necessarily connotate negativity--rather, it is simply an inevitable part of ourselves that we can surely overcome if we become aware of another's own weaknesses. Sometimes, the best solutions come with acceptance. And in that acceptance of futility, as if in an ironic twist of fate, would make one strong enough to be the strength other weak people could lean on. It was a very idealistic, (perhaps even to an existentialist's extent)theory, but keeping his words to heart had kept Azuma going. 

Perhaps, Izumi will never really be ready to admit that weakness he could see as plain as day.....perhaps there was no meaning behind the rare nights he drank with her and talked nonsense in his best efforts to loosen her up. Perhaps he was deluding himself--that he was actually stuck in some personal bubble he also forcibly shoved everyone of the Mankai company in, under the guise of calling it "protection". 

In other words, he was just an old busybody who couldn't leave everyone alone to fend the harsh reality on their own. 

But...he'd rather be called a fool than not do anything. 

"So you knew all along huh..."

"Sorry, Izumi-san. For pretending I didn't know, I mean."

He heard her sigh heavily on the other side of the bed. The shadows overcasted her face so he couldn't make out her current expressions. 

"Not at all. Thank you for thinking about me." 

"Izumi-san..."

He wanted to hug her then...perhaps even tighter than he was holding her. "Silly girl, everyone is always thinking of you." 

There was silence in the room for quite some time. The only sound he could hear is the ticking of the clock on his study. Was she sleeping? Probably not, for her muscles felt tense in his embrace. He attempted to loosen up but he felt Izumi shake her head in protest and clung to him tighter. 

"I'd rather you all think about practice. Or maybe curr-" 

"Izumi-san..." Azuma made soft strokes on the top of her head. "It's just the two of us right now. No one will get angry if you want to complain or even cry." He felt her tremble in protest. 

"Oh, I wouldn't even care if you don't want to talk right now. But...please don't force yourself."

He heard her laugh, perhaps out of frustration. 

"I just couldn't get past you, Azuma-san." she smiled at him defeatedly. 

That was the first night, perhaps even the first time did he ever see Izumi Tachibana for all she was, with no embellishments she forced herself to wear in front of everyone; he wouldn't ever forget that night for the rest of his life. 

* * *

"I'm sorry!" 

One day, an Izumi Tachibana apologized to him, much to his confusion. 

"What for?" he asked her with genuine curiosity (and concern). 

Izumi's expression remained troubling. "It's just...being with you is so calming. I...couldn't think of anything else."

Ah. 

"Then don't."

"But--!"

Oh, the return of the stubborn curry alien. Azuma couldn't help but laugh quietly to himself. "Can I ask you something, Izumi-san?" 

Eager to please as if she had severely wronged him, she nodded. "What is it?" 

"Have you been sleeping well lately?" He already knew she had. Her complexion had been better and her dependence on medications lessened significantly. 

Izumi answered with certainty. "Like a baby."

"Then what's the problem?" 

He remained quiet, repressing the urge to pat her on the head again. 

"I...haven't talked. But I got better. Isn't there something wrong with that?" 

Azuma blinked in confusion. "Not really?" 

Izumi looked absolutely baffled herself. "That couldn't be! You talked with everyone before they got better. You even had Muku and Homare make books! But you..." she bit her lip. "We only cuddled, ate sweets and made curry with Omi. We talked about everything BUT my problem!" 

The fact that this had been troubling her made him feel a bit happy, but this and that were different matters. "That happens you know. Sometimes, letting go is the best way to solve a problem."

"Even if we haven't talked?" 

Azuma nodded, a mischievous thought popping in his head. "But...hmmm...I am a biiiiit concerned your insomnia may surface again if you fully stopped coming by."

Izumi looked VERY concerned. "T-that could happen, couldn't it?" 

After convincing her to continue the cuddle sessions with him, he noticed she started growing awareness that she was being deceived. 

He could feel a curry-filled week and an angry Izumi stuffing food in his mouth in his inevitable future. 

Oh well. He would think about the repercussions of teasing her later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Fun fact: Masumi's character song kept on popping up in my playlist (it's on shuffle)while I was writing this. I gave up and played it on loop near the end of editing. HE KNOWS. 
> 
> P. S. Is anyone ranking in the first A3 event? For a first event, it's pretty intense so far. For once, I'm thankful I have insomnia.
> 
> P. P. S. This was going to be a NaNowrimo thing but I got busy. Oops-


	5. A Rose in Your Name (Homare Arisugawa)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A garden of secrets   
One smile that had been hidden  
A furtive glance   
One heart swayed by  
A rose in your name

Azuma, for once felt like he took something that is far from his expertise. A stack of books were on the sofa, while a hardbound copy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet was resting on his palm. His concentration had been so intense that he didn't seem to take notice of a mischievous Kazunari poking him on the cheek, or a curious Misumi arranging his stack such that the precious books would all be facing down like a triangle. Their measly pages were being ruined as the Trianglian tried to balance all the books to maintain its perfect, three-sided shape. After some necessary straight man from a concerned Izumi, who managed to place back the books in its neat, stacked state, a promise of curry onigiri enticed the Trianglian enough to leave Azuma to his reading alone. 

Tsumugi witnessed the farce as it unfolded. His words "I'm home", were forgotten in utter bafflement. He had just gotten home from a tutoring job, and the rare sight of Azuma doing something in the living room, among the other comical scenes he had seen left him in a temporary standstill. Once he managed to get back to his senses, he cleared his throat to get his attention. 

"Is everything all right, Azuma?"

Azuma finally looked up at him, looking a bit shocked. 

"O-oh, yes. I think so."

There was a smile in Tsumugi's face that Azuma assumed was a kindly masked disbelief. "It's rare to see you with your eyebrows furrowed," Tsumugi said, further proving his assumptions had been correct.

Stress must be getting to him. With all his work, rehearsals and all that responsibility of keeping track of everyone's current sleeping habits, he may be on the verge of burning out. But he could not succumb to it. Not yet, at least. 

"I didn't point it out to get answers from you. I apologize." He realized he only answered in silence after hearing Tsumugi's flustered words. "But if there's anything I could help you with, know that I'm always here." Tsumugi had been handling himself well despite his restlessness. It was sweet of him to still think about others even if he was suffering too. 

"Thank you. As a matter of fact, I may need a second opinion on something."

"Eh?" 

He wasn't aware of the mischievous smile on his face that made Tsumugi react apprehensively.

* * *

"Write...something?" 

"Mhm. Tsumugi suggested it actually, and I think we should try it out."

Azuma took out a paperbag carrying all sorts of stationery and journals. One particular, leather journal caught Homare's eye and he held it in his person. "This is quite a haul. Although...how is this supposed to help my sleeping problems?" 

"Tsumugi told me resisting your writing urges at night might actually worsen it. So he suggested a dream journal."

"Dream journal?" 

"Yes. Basically, you write down what you dreamed about as soon as you wake up. I had Tsumugi write something to make it easier to do." 

On a piece of copy paper was the word _**"Dream Journal"**_, along with an outline with a couple of bullets. Tsumugi organized it to have the following:

> _1\. Setting of the dream_   
_2\. Actors in the dream_   
_3\. Actions of the actors in the dream_   
_4\. Memorable items in the dream_

Each bullet had their own subparts. The subparts had guide questions that Azuma told Homare to remember and keep to heart, so taking notes in the dream journal would be more accurate and easier to decipher.

Frankly speaking, Azuma didn't know where to start with helping Homare. Their first night had been...not necessarily difficult but it wasn't very productive either. Homare complained that his lack of sleep was not because he was having difficulties falling asleep but because NOT sleeping was his choice. He had told him that he reached "enlightenment" and his mind was filled to the brim with so many ideas for his writing that writing them all could not fit in "such a measly time measurement that our non-progressive world had invented". Azuma had written a few psychological reports before, but it could barely even compare to Homare's creativity.

"I like it! The word 'dream journal' has mystique! Tsumugi thought of this, you say? Well, it warms my heart to see our dear leader finally understands true art!" The way Homare's eyes sparkled as Azuma described about the process of writing a dream journal was so innocent and adorable, it reminded him of the little clients he had who are eager to tell him how their day went.

"Tsumugi also said you can control what you dream to some extent, so it is possible you can work on your new ideas using your dream as a medium. It might actually make it more abstract."

For a while, Azuma thought he was talking to air. Homare had gone absolutely silent. However, his worry had been shortlived for when he turned around, he saw Homare practically grinning from ear-to-ear. 

"Muuuufuu~!! Bravo! Magnifique! Tsumugi had truly outdone himself! I could not wait to try it out now!" 

"Homa-- He's gone." Homare left his room so quickly that he wasn't even able to tell him about their arrangements for his next session. Azuma let out a sigh.

"I wonder if he would be able to actually sleep when he is this aroused?" 

He _must_ have said his worries aloud because now, he had a Settsu Banri looking at him in shock. 

Of course, the best way to deal with this awkward situation is to give a non-committal smile. 

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU AND ARISUGAWA DO?!" 

* * *

Just as Tsumugi predicted, the dream journal was very effective. Homare had to be given a new journal because he filled his old one with so many entries. Their next sessions weren't necessarily counseling, as Homare could sleep well, but a mini book club where Homare would ask him feedback about his ideas and he'd help him out as an intervention so he can work on the other untapped ones in his dreams. 

"You have so many poems already. What about making an anthology?" Azuma said as he finished reading the final poem in his first journal. 

Homare had a look of contemplation. "Making them is one thing, but with all the deadlines I have recently..."

"You don't have to rush it. I'll ask the others to give some feedback on your works too. Perhaps some of them would find them soothing." 

Homare's poems were so otherworldly, whimsical and had its own, unique charm. The fact that other poetry couldn't compare to his analogies and his play on words testified his co-member's talent. Azuma just wished others would appreciate it as much as he did.

...that was why he "recommended" them to Banri who seemed so determined to make it up to him for something he had almost forgotten. 

> _A garden of secrets _   
_One smile that had been hidden_   
_A furtive glance _   
_One heart swayed by_   
_A rose in your name_

" '_I__ don't know what the hell is going on, but I suppose it ain't bad'_, was what he said when I showed it to him.♡" 

"But of course! I told you I have reached enlightenment, didn't I? Da Vinci! Michelangelo! Ah, my fellow comrades. This must be what you have felt at that time!" 

Despite the confidence that was supposed to be hinted at his words, Azuma briefly caught a relieved expression on Homare's face. He couldn't help but look at the adorable man with a gentle expression. 

"That's why I think you should try publishing even just a few copies~ Of course I'd want an autograph on mine." 

Homare nodded cheerfully. "Certainly! This stroke of genius would have not been possible without your help. Of course, I would wish to implore you to share its artistic genius with your charitable little heart! Banri must like a signed copy as well hm?" 

Oh, he would be thrilled! It was so rare to see such an unmotivated boy become so absorbed in something. Despite his previous judgments on Homare's poems, he read it sincerely after all. 

"Now with all that being settled, aren't we forgetting something?"

Homare looked at him, confused.

"What could it be?"

Azuma pulled Homare into a hug as they both lied down on the bed. Homare had been so taken aback that Azuma couldn't help but laugh. "Congratulations on your enlightenment, Homare. Now you can rest."

There was a smile in Homare's face. "Dear me. You and your bouts of intimacy. Well, I suppose I do want to rest my eyes."

The two of them lied quietly next to each other in an embrace for quite a while before Homare spoke again. 

"Azuma?" 

"Hm?" 

He heard Homare mutter a quiet 'thank you'. 

"I had never really connected with people for as long as I can remember. Any attempts of understanding them came in futility. It would always result in me being called horrible names. But one really stuck to me."

His tone had be so sad that Azuma couldn't help but stroke his head. 

"What stuck to you?" 

Homare looked at him with an expression he couldn't see very well in the dark. But he heard his heavy sigh. "According to her, I was heartless:an android.. I couldn't even deny it. It was all true."

He was curious about the "her" he was talking about, but kept it to himself. He felt like it wasn't a good time. "Why so?" 

"You...don't get it?" The harsh words he threw at himself felt like the cold hard truth for him for all this time. So hearing Azuma saying he doesn't understand it was...shocking. 

"Art is an incredible medium that can convey another person's emotions to so many people. If you were truly heartless, then why do I feel such a connection to your writing?"

Homare stayed silent for a while before replying back. "How could you have read my mind? I was about to say I attempted to understand others through art...yet..."

"Your poems have always been heartfelt, Homare." Azuma continued stroking his head. "You aren't heartless at all."

"Is that so...haha. If you say it so strongly, then I suppose you're right."

Homare's restless heart had been pacified by Azuma's gentle words. And as the chilly breeze outside blew, rattling the windows as if quietly asking for shelter in the cold, he slept peacefully in Azuma's arms. 

"You are one of the most sensitive, sincere people I've ever met, Homare. I hope you never stop writing and doing what you love." Homare stirred in his sleep, causing Azuma to chuckle. There was now a smile in the poet's face as he slumbered, making Azuma wonder if he was having pleasant dreams. 


	6. Sweet Dreams, Amaryllis (Juza Hyodo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two sweet tooths bonding over food and cuddles.

A certain chain smoker with a medical degree suggested that there are several ways in which a person can deal with hardships in life without sacrificing their sanity. Although his beliefs remain controversial, Azuma thought he had a point. He saw defense mechanisms as temporary bursts of "mental instability" that are necessary to maintain a sound mind. While there are many kinds, "undoing" left an impression on him especially today. It is a defense mechanism wherein a person who is completely aware of his wrongdoings, attempts to ease his guilt by doing the exact opposite of his previous mistakes. Although similar to reaction formation, undoing is closer to the "past" as the hostile or unpleasant behavior had already been committed rather than repressed.

For example, if he were given a limited edition of Famous Confectionery X's Sakura-infused raindrop cake by one his clients and had been looking forward to eating it, only to see it gone in the fridge the next day THEN suddenly get preferential treatment from a normally aloof member of the troupe, that would be a prime example of "undoing", yes?

Hyodo Juza is guilty, therefore he is undoing. And no, he isn't angry. He is merely stating a fact. The pallor on Juza's face is part of the karma he received by committing a wrongdoing; looking sickly pale out of guilt is therefore justified. 

"I-I'm really sorry, Yukishiro-san. I can understand why you're mad at me..."

He just said that HE. WASN'T. ANGRY. 

My, being angry over some priceless dessert in the first place is just immature. Clearly, Juza moving away from him and trembling from where he stood is just overreacting! Children these days are so sensitive so adults like him should be more careful. 

"Why do you look like a deer in headlights? Relax~~♡" 

"If looks could kill, I'd already be dead..."

"I'm sorry, what was that?" 

"N-nothin'! S-sir, Mr. Sir."

Now this wouldn't do. It was Juza's turn today and it would be difficult to get him to open up if he's scared, right? 

"Juza."Azuma did his best to calm him down, a smile ever present in his face."It's fine~ Although..." he saw Juza gulp. "May I have an explanation?" 

Juza's voice was almost unheard. His eyes were looking at anything BUT him. "Omi...he..."

"Hm?" 

He saw Juza swallow. "Omi usually makes desserts for me, but he wasn't there last night."

Fushimi huh. He is the coddling type, and it wasn't unusual for him to act like that. However... 

"From my understanding, both of you are in the kitchen every night because of your insomnia. Putting Omi aside, you couldn't sleep because you're eating sweets at night?" 

He saw Juza visibly cringe. "S-sorry..."

He looked so much like a kicked puppy that Azuma couldn't help but stroke his head. 

"Do you often get hungry at night?" 

Juza nodded. "Wasn't always like this..."

"Well,you're a growing boy. You couldn't help it. There are just other things you can munch on that are far healthier for you and wouldn't cause you to have a stomachache in the morning."

"How did you--" 

"Fufu~ It's because I used to do what you're doing all the time!" 

"...."

"Now, if you wait for me while I talk to Omi, we can buy you some snacks for tonight. Does that sound good?" 

"!!!!"

* * *

"Now, isn't that much better?" Azuma inquired a Hyodo Juza happily munching on some fruits by his bedside. 

Despite eating quite a large portion of dinner a few hours earlier, Juza's stomach rumbled loudly before bedtime. Azuma realized how difficult it may have been for him to adjust to a larger appetite, and he even heard the young man complain about aching muscles. It made him recall of his long past youth. 

"Omi agreed to make healthier snacks for you. But since he couldn't do it for a while, would these fruits be sufficient for the time being?" 

Juza hummed approvingly as he helped himself with more of Azuma's concoction: it was a simple fruit dessert dolloped with Greek yogurt and some chia seeds. It was a little on the tangy side, so Azuma made sure to place some sweet mangoes to even it out. Based on how Juza was happily snacking on it, he seems to like it. 

Omi told him a lot of things...besides his apologies that is. He admitted he may have overfed Juza because of his own sleeplessness. He started cooking food in the middle of the night to pass time, and stumbled upon a hungry Juza one day and started feeding him his cooking. He was so happy that the younger man was eating well that he may have cooked a bit too much. In a drowsy yet bashful state, he told Azuma that he was "reflecting on it", making it impossible to not forgive him. 

He knew Omi was keeping a lot more things to himself, but that would have to wait until his turn comes. In the meantime, he told him to take a break on cooking and gave him some advice to help him sleep a bit easier. Sure, he was worried but he had to be fair to everyone.

"Is there anything else troubling you?" Azuma implored, asking Juza if he wanted seconds. The young teen nodded his head and helped himself to one more spoonful.

"Fushimi...is he okay?" Despite his reassurances, Juza is still blaming himself for Omi being scolded. Azuma couldn't help but sigh. 

"He's going to get a lot better soon. Don't worry. What about you? Do you think you'll be okay?" 

"...I'll be fine."

"Ohhh? Are you sure?" Azuma's tone was teasing. 

There was a blush coloring Juza's cheek. He seemed to be thinking up about something carefully. 

"Are you going to hug me later?" 

Azuma couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. How adorable! "Do you want to?" The blush on Juza's face grew a deeper shade as he nodded. "Sakuma said your hugs are soothing."

"Is your heart in a restless state?" 

Juza nodded again. 

"Well, that couldn't be helped then!" Azuma's spread his arms wide, inviting. "Here, let me help you calm down." 

The warmth of another person next to him made Azuma's own heart felt soothed. "Feeling better?" 

"Mmh." Juza cooed, satisfied in his arms. "Sakuma's right. I feel my worries melting away."

Azuma made soft strokes on his head. "What about your hunger?" He heard Juza chuckle in in his embrace. 

"That...is a different matter."


	7. The Restless Anemone (Hisoka Mikage)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azuma nurses a sick Hisoka back to health and unlocks Banri's "flags" along the way.

It hurts.

Azuma didn't realise just how much his age is catching up to him until he got an opportunity to carry another adult on his back: Hisoka...in particular. Hisoka's concerned employer apparently told him to go home after seeing how sick he looked, but instead of getting to the Mankai Dorms, he found him near an unsuspecting telephone pole, lying on the ground, lifeless. Azuma didn't want to imagine what would have happened if it were any other person who found him. Rather, everything hurt too much to think about anything else.

That was when an angel appeared before him: one who had a seemingly permanent scowl on his face that looked at him in concern.

"Azuma? Wait...is that Hisoka??!"

His saviour!

"Tasuku...be a dear and carry him for me? I think I broke a hip bone."

The said angel scowled even further. "Fine. But what happened?"

It was difficult, but Azuma managed to smile despite the pain. "It's...complicated."

* * *

One. Two. Three marshmallows all devoured, with his fingers a breath away from bite marks. Azuma quietly acknowledged Homare's hidden skill---feeding Hisoka was a lot more difficult than he thought. 

He only managed to extract a few sentences from the sleeping man at every sugary piece, but he managed to get something substantial after his third pack: Hisoka was sick. Really sick. His immune system plummeted after acquiring "Tarantella", and now he had to sleep at very short intervals to function properly. In short, he had to be asleep even more than usual. He felt the young man's forehead, a wave of heat absorbed by his palm. His temperature hadn't gone down at all. And since he couldn't eat since his body is currently "in hibernation mode", he couldn't take medicine either. Omi is out of commission and Izumi is only willing to cook curry. Tsuzuru is currently working hard at writing a script for the Autumn troupe's next play meaning, nobody could be bothered enough to make Hisoka a proper meal, so Azuma resigned to his fate. 

He couldn't help but sigh. 

"I could probably learn how to do it if you got a book or something."

Azuma looked up, stopping himself from stroking Hisoka's head to see Banri looking at him sheepishly. 

"Well? You got a cookbook or something?" Judging from how Banri was having difficulty keeping eye contact, it probably took a lot of courage on his part to offer help. Azuma held back the urge to tease him about it. 

"Omi gave me a notebook containing his recipes. It's on my study." He didn't have to say anything else. Banri was aware he couldn't get out of the sofa because of Hisoka. The teenage boy was even kind enough to give him a new fever patch to stick onto Hisoka's forehead once he got back from his room. 

Soon enough, he heard the clattering of pots and pans in the kitchen. Azuma swore he also heard Banri swear and even call for his mother at one point, but he was willing to forget it ever happened if the young man would insist him. 

After about an hour or so, Banri came back with a tray in hand. "Fushimi said to make him omelettes. It's written there so..." he cleared his throat. "Don't laugh if it doesn't taste good! I highly doubt it will. I made it after all."

Azuma only smiled at him in reply. 

"W-what's that look for?" 

One marshmallow and Hisoka was awake long enough for Azuma to make him sit up so he can be fed properly. He managed to get a good look on Banri's omelette now, seeing a surprisingly well-presented meal. Did he really just cook this? 

"You worked hard. Thank you~" 

He saw Banri blush before having the tray practically shoved at him. "I didn't do this for you!"

"Of course not. But still, thank you."

His "thank you" was heard by no one for Banri ran off as quickly as he came by. He must have been worried about Hisoka too but couldn't be honest about it. How (frustratingly)adorable~

"All right, your meal's here. We don't want it to get cold now..." Azuma told a sleeping Hisoka. 

...it did get cold halfway through. If his hair wasn't already a silvery white, it would have turned into one at some point with how stressful it had been to feed his companion. 

If he had been slow for at least one second, Hisoka would fall asleep immediately before even taking a spoonful! He couldn't take any shortcuts with granola bars or calorie mates either since Hisoka refused to consume anything but marshmallows and omurice! With a limited amount of marshmallows left and a meal that was far from finished, Azuma HAD to strategize. Thankfully, everything went smoothly, and Hisoka finally drank his medicine. 

...but what did it cost? EVERYTHING. 

* * *

"Azuma?" 

"Oh! Are you feeling better now?" 

"Mhm..." Hisoka groggily looked around, seeing an empty plate on the coffee table and a used medicine foil beside it. "The omelette was delicious..."

"I'm glad you liked it. Hm? What are you doing?" Hisoka took him by surprise when he felt his forehead so suddenly. 

"You did this to me earlier..."

Now Hisoka was pulling him. Did he want him to go somewhere? "Wait--"

"Follow me..."

So he did. And it led both of them to his own room. 

"Hisoka?" 

Hisoka only looked at him with a slight smile. "Now it's your turn, Azuma." As the door closed, he found himself buried in his bed, throw pillows and all. He felt Hisoka's arms around him...

"Thank you, Azuma."

Hisoka's words filled his heart with warmth. And as the young man held him closer to him, he felt his eyes gradually getting heavier. 

How could he have known he'd been tired all this time? Wasn't he asleep? 

"Don't think of anything. Just rest. You're pushing yourself too hard."

Was he? Even if he is, he needed to. Everyone...was...relying...on...him...

"Good night, Azuma. Thanks again...for everything."

The next morning, Izumi saw Hisoka and Azuma huddled together, asleep. The two missed morning practice that day, but she was sure everyone wouldn't mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just logged on in A3 and found out it's Azuma's birthday today! I knew I had to do something to acknowledge it so have an update!


	8. So Sang the Narcissus (Tsumugi Tsukioka)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Will you sing for me tonight?"

"You have a beautiful voice, Tsumugi." he heard Azuma say as they were in each other's embrace. The sweet scent of his homemade potpourri was in the air, making his restless heart calm down. It had been a struggle trying to sleep lately because of his many worrying thoughts, so being in Azuma's arms felt very reassuring.

"I don't think my voice is anything special," he admitted, and funnily enough, he won't feel surprised if Azuma is merely saying things as lip service. He may have the need to do that especially in his line of work, but somehow sensing his disbelief, Azuma started shaking his head.

"It is for me. And giving empty compliments isn't something I like doing, you know."

He noticed Azuma looked more tired than usual due to his continuous cuddling sessions outside of work, and although he noticed everyone had been more considerate about Azuma's health, he wasn't convinced their resident cuddling professional would ever get proper rest until everyone is back to normal again.

"The compliment may not be empty, but what about the (purity of the) intent?" 

Even his laughter had been beautiful. "Tsumugi is the only person I can't defeat at these mind games. I relent, I do have intentions."

He knew it! 

"Relax, it isn't anything dangerous." so he says, but calm deliveries always bring the most dangerous news. 

"I want you to sing me to sleep."

And he was right again. 

Azuma was good with his words, and if he wasn't aware and hadn't studied about psychology like he did, he might have fell for it already. Saying reasons such as it being practice for his singing role in their current play, or it being a "natural musical instrument" sounded logical, and even factual, but such logic and facts can only go so far with impure intentions (most likely for his mild entertainment). He couldn't blame Azuma anyway; he might have needed to vent.

The first night had been a firm "no". Conversations with Azuma outside of his bedroom surprisingly didn't contain any of his ridiculous requests, even when he catches him singing a few lines of his musical pieces in the balcony. He was pleasant to talk to, although relentless on things that mattered to him such as the occasional mahjong matches at night. 

Even in a tipsy state, Azuma's mind was as clear as the first bell on New Year's day; welcoming, even warm. It was almost impossible to see cracks in his well-kept public persona, save for the rare times he saw his furrowed eyebrows or his bitten lips. Even then, he was able to bounce back quickly; a feat he could only admire yet also envy, especially in his current acting slump. 

"You're still not going to sing tonight?" 

His answer on the second and third night were also "no", but unlike the first, he didn't insist any further. The strokes he placed on his head, and his unhurried tone made Tsumugi wonder if he was all right. He asked him but he only smiled, an enigma as he always was. 

On the fourth night, Azuma did not ask for a serenade. Instead, he was the one who sang. The melody seemed familiar, and as he pondered over its title, he gradually realized he had been singing along as well. Azuma didn't tease him for it but instead, he asked. 

"How's your practice going?" 

He heard himself sigh. "Not very well." Admitting his shortcomings felt liberating. All this time, he had been convincing himself he was doing okay. Everyone, including Izumi and Tasuku complimented him on his performance. However, a part of him felt that something was lacking. As he saw everyone got better from their own issues, insomnia and inevitably, their performance as well, the feeling of being left behind gnawed at him even further. He barely remembered how it felt to not have an ailing worry in his mind. 

"I finally sang," he told Azuma, not really knowing why. 

"Did you really sing?" 

Did he? 

Upon his silence, Azuma spoke again. 

"Sometimes, we are the harshest critic of ourselves. It might be a valid nitpick, but if the only thing weighing us down are the very criticisms we have of ourselves, then perhaps it is a good time to finally strain our ears and listen."

"How--"

Azuma's knowing smile made him realize he had no intention of telling him why he had known, so he resigned himself to his fate once again. 

"I suppose I have been working harder than usual, but..."

"But?"

Azuma's eyes that looked at him patiently made his heart throb with pain. "I feel like it isn't enough."

"Why not?" his composed expression and straightforwardness made the throbbing pain only intensify. "Aren't you going to tell me I'm doing fine again?" 

Azuma shook his head. 

"I apologize. I was wrong." The silver haired man pulled him closer in their embrace, his gentle voice tickling his ear. "I may have meant every compliment from the bottom of my heart, but I remained ignorant at how you're suffering. It must have been hard shouldering everything on your own, right?" his eyes stung with Azuma's kind words. "I'm sorry, Tsumugi. If you feel like you're still lacking, or you're being left behind, those feelings are valid. But please just know that even if your hard work was all for nothing, it still made you come this far, and you have so much room left to grow... 

_...please love yourself a little more."_

It was unfair. So unfair. How could he know the words he'd been dying to hear? His stinging eyes started getting blurry, but despite having his vision cloud with his own tears, he felt his heart becoming clear. 

"Now, may I ask you something?" Every inch of Azuma's touch warmed his heart. He nodded. 

"Can you sing for me tonight?" 

So he did; he finally did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is probably the closest I'll ever get to a "shippy" chapter. Enjoy. 
> 
> P. S. I haven't read about it yet, but for some reason, I keep on thinking about Tsumugi's role as Christine in the Phantom of the Opera event while I was writing this. I have no idea why but I apologize in advance for the JP players out there if I made any mistakes.


	9. Interlude: Tonight's Dinner in Mankai Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With everyone being down with either an acting slump, insomnia or a bad case of fatigue, Banri Settsu realizes he has to take matters into his own hands and end things once and for all: by wearing an apron and cooking his way into everyone's hearts! (With special guidance from Omi's cookbook of course!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one wasn't planned but this idea won't get off my head. 
> 
> I LOVE Emiya Gohan. I really want Banri to be in Shirou's shoes. An angrier, wilder Shirou with a potty mouth. Perfect. <strike>Also, I want him to feel happy and appreciated. But you don't need to know that. </strike>
> 
> P. S. I was listening to Collage while writing this instead of doing the event lol. This fanfic occurred around the time everyone got at least a turn with Azuma's cuddling sessions. Except Taichi. But for spoiler reasons, I won't say anything...yet.

There was an unusual silence in the air that felt really unsettling, especially to someone who was supposed to be unaccustomed to it. After Matsukawa's drivel about some weird urban legend causing the somber mood, more questions were raised instead of answers. Azuma in particular had been the most affected. Despite his reassurances, and oftentimes, unwarranted teasing in spite of it all, it wouldn't be a lie to admit everyone was worried about him.

> _"But I'm not the one with insomnia, you know. Worry about me when you can sleep on your own~"_

He would annoyingly say to the others, smiling. Then, everyone would dismiss their worries and depend on him again. There was a difference between selflessness and foolishness, and unfortunately he couldn't seem to tell them apart.

He wasn't worried. Far from it. If Banri can put a label to his emotions, wouldn't it be frustration?

Shouldering every little thing on his own, pretending the world is against him, making things harder for himself: Azuma's thought process was an enigma that he could barely understand and he didn't ever want to understand. Even so, he couldn't leave him alone, especially if he could see a disaster coming at him from a mile away. He was quite sure the others would do the same if they weren't so restless. 

> _ ["Of course not. But still, thank you."](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21384637/chapters/53465326)_

Maybe he should cook dinner tonight?  
.  
.  
......  
...  
.

...  
.  
Not!

It wasn't like he was happy with being complimented or something. It was simply the most logical thing to do.

...well, he supposed Omi was in pretty bad shape; Juza had been pacing at his room and checking up on him once or twice. Taichi looked crestfallen for some reason, his eyes hollow like all the light had been sucked out of his pupils. Then there's Sakyo. He was frowning more than usual. Grumpier too. Rehearsing with all of them was a living nightmare. As the leader of their troupe, it would therefore be best if he addressed these issues if he knows he is capable of solving it.

...and it just so happens that no one is on kitchen duty tonight.

"Banri? What's with all that stuff?"

"Crap! You scared the hell outta me Taichi! Where did you come from?!"

"Me?" Taichi pointed at himself. "I...overslept."

"You mean like everyone else?"

"Hey! I didn't have my turn yet! Anyway, what's with all that--"

"GET SOME REST."

"But I just woke up-"

"Go back to bed!"

Dropping his shopping bags, Banri shooed Taichi away from anywhere near the kitchen's vicinity. It wasn't like he wanted to keep it a secret...they would find out when they're going to eat anyway.

He...just didn't want anyone to see him cooking.

He looked around to see if anyone was there, to his relief finding no one. It was a few hours before dinner and mostly everyone are out doing their own business. The adults were at work and the students were catching up on sleep (or trying to), if his estimations were correct (as he knew they are), like Taichi they would probably be up in an hour or so.

Thankfully, he had choosen a recipe that was easy to cook. After Azuma gave him Omi's recipe book, he didn't have any opportunity to return it to him. He barely saw him lately, and even if he did, his hands were tied.

This too, is fate...or simply a convenient coincidence. There was no helping it if he takes advantage of this situation as well. He flipped through a dog eared page where Omi's handwritten "Macaroni au Gratin" was written:

First, he preheated the oven to 200 degrees Celsius. Then, he prepared the macaroni by placing olive oil, salt and water in a pot. There was a sale on chicken and mushroom on the supermarket so he decided he would combine both as the main meat of the dish.

As he started preparing the chicken while the macaroni was boiling, he noticed there were handwritten notes that had his name on it, which read:

> _'This would be a good dish to start with, Banri. I'm sure everyone would love to eat a gratin you would make!'_

Needless to say, he was taken aback.

"What the--I didn't notice that before..."he muttered to himself, ignoring the slight upward curve of his lips as he kept reading on.

"Make a white sauce with only 3 ingredients..."

So Omi knew he can cook to some extent.

"Milk, flour, butter..."

...and he even prepared a recipe he knew he'd be comfortable on cooking for the first time.

"Geez. Get your head back in the game, Settsu. What's wrong with you?"

...okay,maybe he was a _little happy _someone believed in him.

"Ugh, I'm never doing this again." 

No, being happy about something expected of him is lame. He should concentrate on the task at hand. 

So he says, but there was more thought in his movements, perhaps even passion in what he was doing. He didn't notice while he was cooking, but most of the chicken and mushroom pieces were sliced into triangular shapes. The macaroni too was only macaroni in name, but in actuality was penne pasta that had openings on both sides resembling a triangle.

They were not the conventional macaroni in a gratin but they were conveniently on sale, and nothing brings a smile to Sakyo's face more than buying things on a bargain. 

**_Logical. Efficient. Reasonable. Resourceful._ **That's all that he was doing. 

ItwasntlikehewastakingafterOmi'sandAzuma'sexamples--

He could see Sakuya probably doing so if he were a little more efficient in the kitchen. 

Pfft. Efficient and kitchen rhymes. Sort of. Wouldn't Arisugawa make a poem about that if he knew? Come to think of it...he hadn't thanked him yet for giving him a signed copy of his anthology. 

"I think the sauce is thick enough, time to turn down the heat."

Maybe he should give Masumi his copy. He was grumbling about _writing nothing_, whatever that is. 

"Tch. That was hot. Should have used a pot holder..."

As he followed through Omi's specific instructions, he gradually started realizing what he _had_ actually done. 

Although the taste wasn't _bad_, Omi had specific instructions for everyone's portions: Sakuya doesn't mind whatever you give him, but he likes pasta dishes so adding more portions for him would be good, as he usually is the type who wouldn't ask for seconds if he sees everyone is also enjoying the food. 

The director's portions had specific instructions to be "curry flavored" in Omi's cookbook. He better not forget about it, it read. 

Itaru's portion had to be prepared first so it would be the first to cool. Eating to him is not a priority: as long as it fills his stomach, he would not even bother to sit down in the dining area. Having food cool enough and easy enough to eat however would make him sit down with the others a lot longer. Likewise, Homare's portions need to be cooled next. He's currently busy catching up to some deadlines. He usually isn't difficult to be called to the table, but having cool food to eat would give him more time for his writing. 

Juza's, Hisoka's, Azuma's and Muku's portions need to be made a little sweeter. He specifically ordered Banri to add condensed milk to their white sauce before baking. On the other hand, Masumi and Sakyo liked it more on the savory side. Giving extra meat portions for Masumi would also be good since he's a "growing boy". 

Taichi didn't mind anything. But having him sit near Kazunari and Misumi on the table is a good call. Both are good at taking care of Misumi and usually liked talking to each other after meals. 

Tsumugi and Tasuku are usually seated next to each other. It may not look like it, but Tsumugi is rather clumsy. Having Tasuku next to him is reassuring. 

"Tenma's vegetables need to be finely chopped so he won't notice he's eating them. It would relieve me if you would keep an eye on him so could you please sit next to him? Huh..." was that the reason why he's always seated next to Tenma during meals? 

There wore more notes, like making Citron's portions the most "original" since he likes sampling traditional/fusion Japanese meals. Keeping it close to his recipe would be more catered to a Japanese palate. Yuki likes a good presentation on his meals. The prettiest of the batch are usually given to him. 

When Banri reached near the end of Omi's recipe book, he noticed a sticky note taped onto a page:

> _'You might have made the meat a triangle and chosen triangular pasta for Misumi already so I didn't add it in. Thank you for your hard work.'_

He pretended not to notice that reading it made him smile. 

* * *

It was, suffice to say unexpected to see everyone except the bedridden Omi gathered at the table. Having everyone around made him rather nervous. Especially when they look baffled to see some food on the table.

"I was about to prepare dinner. But it's already here!" Izumi said rather despondently, mumbling something about making a new variety of curry she hadn't tried before.

"I told Fushimi to lie down and rest. What happened?" Sakyo shook his head, possibly formulating a lecture in his head for the said "culprit" later. 

"But Omi never left his room!" his roommate Taichi defended. "He was resting quietly all this time!"

"Then that only leaves..." Upon Tsumugi's words, everyone's eyes except Banri's locked onto Tsuzuru. Understandably troubled with their "accusations", the scriptwriter interjected.

"I was out at work! It wasn't me!"

This only caused more confusion. Somehow, it made him annoyed.

"Let's just sit down and eat! Geez. There's food and someone cooked it. Can't we just leave it at that?"

Now, everyone's eyes were on him.

"Come to think of it, Banri chased me out earlier..."Taichi muttered out loudly to himself enough for everyone to hear.

"Waaaah, there's names on the table! Look! It has my name over here, Ju-chan!"

"Pfft. That's definitely Settsu's chicken scratch."

"YOU PICKING A FIGHT, PUNK?!"

"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK, FOREHEAD!"

"Now, now..." Azuma hurriedly spoke. Banri met eyes with him, and he saw the silver haired man smile. 

"Hisoka, let's sit down and eat, shall we?" Hisoka nodded, following closely behind Azuma before stopping in front of him. 

"The omelette you made was delicious. Thank you..."

Were the two of them...helping him? His face felt suddenly warm. Hisoka's words were enough to reassure everyone however and before he knew it, they were seated on their designated seats. 

"Mine's over here, huh?" he felt a presence next to him, looking up and seeing Tenma. "I never thought you're the household type but the food looks good."

"I agree!" Sakuya, who was sitting on the other side next to him nodded. "It smells good too! Thank you for cooking for us, Banri!" 

If his face felt warm before, now it felt like an absolute desert. He couldn't help but look down to hide his obvious embarrassment. 

"...just eat your food, geez."

So everyone did. One spoonful, two spoonfuls...the heavy silence was broken by the gradual clinking of the silverware, and a few gasps and sighs. 

_'At least nobody seems to be complaining about the food.' _He thought. 

"Wah! It's a little sweet, but the melted cheese balances it out. And the chicken melts in your mouth!" Muku cried out in awe. 

"Odd. Yours is sweet? Mine tastes like curry. And curry is always delicious."

"I am absolutely _flawed_! So this is an Au Gratin!" 

"Don't you mean, '_floored_'?" 

"Ah! Is that it, Itaru? _Manly_ thanks!" 

Was he hearing things right? Was everybody enjoying his food? 

Something inside him felt fuzzy. 

"Banri?" 

He realized he was still eating dinner with everyone when Azuma called out his name. 

"I hate to trouble you when you're still eating, but could you please give this medicine to Omi? Of course he needs to eat first."

"I guess--" 

When he saw Azuma wink at him, he realized what he was trying to do. 

Mouthing a silent word of thanks before leaving the table, he placed Omi's portions on a tray and left the dinner table. 

He couldn't help but wonder why everyone's gazes on him seemed kind as he left. 

* * *

"Omi? It's Banri. You awake?" 

The door opened and creaked, revealing an Omi with the funniest looking bed head. Banri had to hold back his laughter. 

"Azuma told me it's time for your medicine."

"Ah, thank you." Omi noticed the gratin on the tray and smiled. "Actually, I'm still feeling a bit unwell, can you please place it down for me?" 

He was lying, but he supposed Omi wanted to talk to him. He pretended not to notice and nodded. 

"Sure."

Despite being sick, Omi's side of the room had been clean and pristine. The bed was made, making Banri wonder if he did so after he knocked on the door. A normal sick person wouldn't go that far, wouldn't they? 

As Banri sat down across from him, there was a smile on Omi's face that made him want to look away. 

"Everyone must be enjoying the food you made right now."

"I wonder about that...your standards are pretty hard to beat."

"Beat?" Omi laughed, taking a spoonful of his food. "Cooking is no competition. And yours is filled with a lot of love too."

What the heck. He sounds a lot like Azuma! 

"That's a polite way of saying the food isn't good, right?" 

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it that way--you know what? Why don't you give mine a taste?" Omi handed him the unused spoon on his tray filled with the gratin. Banri felt it impolite to turn him down so he took the spoonful of food and ate it. 

It was...surprisingly warm. And...

"Delicious, right?" 

He remembered. He remembered taking out Omi's portion out of the oven last since he planned on giving him his food after he ate. But Omi being Omi forgot to put his own preferences in his notes. Which means... 

_He did all of this on his own? _

"The food's that good it made you speechless, huh?" 

He looked up at Omi, who had been smiling gently at him all this time. Was this how it felt for him when everyone appreciates the food he cooked? 

"Are you feeling better now?" he couldn't help but change the topic. He felt his heart was about to burst at any moment. 

Omi laughed again. "Sorry, you sounded a lot like Juza. Yeah, I am. Honest."

He only nodded, his eyes were wandering everywhere as Omi ate his food. 

"The recipe book, I only followed your instructions...."

"It's yours. Didn't Azuma tell you?" 

"He probably forgot. He's been busy these days." 

"I see. Hey Banri?" 

"Y-yeah?" 

"On second thought, I think I need a little bit more time to recover. Can I depend on you for a bit longer?" 

Yeesh. Why does it feel so...sticky? First, there was Azuma who had been pestering him to pour out his "feelings" lately. Then there's Arisugawa who never forgets to dedicate a few poems for him without expecting anything in return. Then there's Hisoka, who started looking at him expectantly every time they locked eyes. He felt like he was being pampered in some way, but...

"I guess it can't be helped."

It never reached Banri's ears (probably for the best) but everyone really enjoyed the dinner he prepared. In his absence, everyone eventually came to the realization that they haven't been sharing the same table lately, so dinners together started becoming mandatory(as much as possible). While Omi was recovering, the cooking had been split between Tsuzuru, Izumi and the newcomer "chef" who everyone had certain expectations of. 

Perhaps it would be too late to tell that certain newcomer chef that, no. He wasn't imagining things when everyone seems to be hinting at him their preferences when it was time for him to make dinner. 

And probably, just probably, they liked seeing his kind eyes when he was wearing an apron and preparing the warmest meals that made the current Mankai, in its restless state feel like home. 


	10. Sincerely, Your Violet Part 1 (Masumi Usui) + announcements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Masumi's grandmother is not well, causing him to not sleep in worry. Azuma encourages him to write her a letter while she is at the hospital to wish her well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I want to let you guys know that I haven't been keeping up with A3 lately because I found the ranking events pretty stressful especially while playing FGO events. I had to choose between the two on which to prioritise. **I do plan on finishing this series because I don't like leaving works unfinished. **
> 
> Masumi is one of my favorite characters so I put in extra effort for him. If it's not obvious already, I ship him with Izumi but I tried my best to veer into a more neutral direction. 
> 
> I do have another announcement! A3 events may be stressful and time consuming but Obey Me events aren't and guess which idiot got into that too. ;) 
> 
> P. S. Despite how timely this update is, Masumi's entry was already planned since the first chapter release meaning similar events to RL is all just a coincidence. You can find proof in the tentative titles written on the previous updates (Sakuya's entry I believe) as well as a mention of Masumi wanting to "write something" on the first interlude. Stay safe and wash your hands!

It's a windy day in Spring. The cherry tree near the convenience store scattered its pink petals like rice showers on one's wedding day. Masumi's idle thoughts wandered to his own distant future; of the director holding his hand with her gloved ones made of pure white lace, a smile on her face as she whispered words of gratitude to him.

"Thank you for marrying me," 

And the spell breaks when he glances at her smile. She never gave him one as far as he recalled. It would be too memorable to forget, so he was confident it never happened. But he did indeed knew of someone who smiled at him like that. 

And thinking of that person...made his heart ache. 

"Masumi?" 

He turned around. 

It...was not that person. Instead, he saw Azuma with a small child holding his hand. 

"Azun? Who's that?" the child looked up with curious eyes and "Azun" smiled in reply. 

"He's a friend."

After dropping off his little client to school, Azuma was invited by Masumi to a nearby cafe to discuss about something related to his session that night. The young teen seemed more brooding than usual and Azuma couldn't help but feel concerned. He agreed and insisted to pay for both of their drinks. This caused the frowning Masumi to frown even more, but he did not say anything. 

"I see. You want me to help you write a letter for your grandmother..."

Masumi nodded, noticing a cherry blossom petal landing on his drink. "I think it would help me sleep."

Azuma understood. "I'm guessing you don't want to deliver the letter yourself?" from how Masumi quickly looked away at him, he surmised he may have hit the mark. 

"Her eyes aren't good anymore. She would have trouble reading the letter even if I send it to her. And...I don't want just anyone reading its contents."

"So you want me to read it to her too?" 

He nodded again. "Is it...too much?" 

Azuma shook his head. "No, though can I ask you something?" 

Masumi didn't need any further explanation. If this is what was needed to make Azuma agree, he didn't mind. "She's really sick. My parents sent her to a private room in a hospital nearby but..." his lips trembled as he tried to ignore the stinging sensation in his eyes.

"I...can't see her."   
  
He was worried, more than anything about what he would do if he saw her barely holding on for life. He was worried she would feign a smile in front of him and pretend everything was fine. He knew she would do that, but he didn't know what to say to her so she could understand that he didn't want her to put up an act in front of him. Because deep down, he knew she was right. He was a child, especially to her. And children like him couldn't handle the truth so she needed to be strong for the both of them. Despite his efforts to be a bit more dependable for her, he couldn't understand why it was so difficult to actually reach his goal. 

He was running out of time as well as options. If she would wait for him to grow up so she could depend on him, he wondered...

...could she even hold on until then? 

"Masumi." The gentle way Azuma called out his name made his heart calm a little. 

"I won't ask any further so...let's go home?" 

No. No!! See? This is the reason why he couldn't see her. Even Azuma could notice how much of a child he was. He hated it. 

"It's not like that. It's--" 

"Masumi." Azuma's tone had been firm. "You're sweating bullets and you're really pale. If you want to tell me more, can we please go home first?" 

He was? So that's why Azuma looked so flustered. He knew arguing any further would be bad so he only nodded and followed the long haired man back to the dorms. 

The words he wanted to say to him eventually lodged down his throat and wouldn't come out. Azuma didn't ask him any further, as if waiting patiently for his initiative, but all the words he thought were important at that moment became more and more insignificant. Eventually, nighttime fell and he was standing in front of his door. He spent all those hours gathering his thoughts for nothing. 

"Come in."

...or so he thought. 

Masumi recognized the familiar quill pen on his study. Even the stack of unused journals looked similar to the ones Arisugawa had been carrying with him during practice. There were other types of papers as well--envelopes and wax seals that reminded him of the novels he saw Tsuzuru had been poring over as research material for his scripts. There was a stack of stationery that was separate from the rest. It had the same wax seals he saw earlier as well as a quaint looking douter, some candles and a small metal spoon acting as paperweight. He saw his name on a sticky note, making him look Azuma's way in question. How did he have time to get all these things when he had been with him for most of the day? 

Azuma chuckled and returned his look with carefree laughter. "One of my clients work at a general store."

Masumi looked unconvinced but he didn't say anything. 

"I only did the minimum effort needed. The rest is up to you."

Masumi frowned even further. 

"I'm not going to force you to write your letter in a day! In fact, come here. Sit with me." Azuma patted the vacant side of the bed and beckoned Masumi over. 

He didn't need to be comforted like a child. He hated it. He also hated how he couldn't seem to convey it to him. That was why he wanted to write letters in the first place. Even the most uncommunicative people can be eloquent if they write their thoughts on paper. 

But that was the thing. He wanted to write so many things that it fails to translate as words in his brain. He already tasted failure several times in his best attempts to write his beloved Director love letters for Valentine's day. If Azuma wouldn't help him to write something for his grandmother, he was quite confident tonight would be a failure too. 

Masumi sat down with Azuma, sighing. 

"My, we haven't even started yet and you already look like you're about to give up!" 

Masumi nodded. "The problem is me, not the letter."

"Oh? Why?" 

"I...don't know what to say."

Azuma seemed careful with choosing his next words. "Because you want to say so many things?" 

"!!!" 

Azuma smiled. "I understand. That's very difficult, but I think it's not impossible." How peculiar. He expected Azuma to comfort him and tell him he can do it if he tries, or that he hasn't tried enough. Masumi wondered why he sounded so dispirited himself, as if the older man were shouldering his problems for his own. Azuma continued to smile at him, to his surprise he pulled him to the bed and stroked his head. The heat of their embrace was comforting, and the faint scent of the tea Azuma had been drinking at his bedside reminded Masumi of his distant childhood. 

He remembered going home from school and being greeted back when he says "I'm home." He remembered the hearty dinners, last week's variety shows on replay and the strong scent of herbs as her calloused hands held his small ones. He remembered the nights he called out for his mother in his sleep, only to remember she was miles away from home. He wakes up from the night terrors, drags his stuffed bear as he saunters off to the nearby bedroom. He would knock at his grandmother's door, catching her sipping on some tea at her bedside and with a heavy heart, he spilled his worries and his tears in her arms. 

There were no more tears, but the worries were still heavy. The arms that wrapped around him may be warm, but they were not hers. 

"Are you listening, Masumi?" 

He nodded despite himself. "Loud and clear."

"Okay. I want to ask you something."

"?"

Azuma's hand continued to stroke his head. "I want you to make a list of everything you want to say to her. But not just any list. I want that list to only contain the things you want to tell her the most." 

Masumi shook his head. "That's impossible."

"I know."

Then why was he asking?! 

"It's going to take a while so you can give it to me on your next turn." So he had almost a month to work over it. A month... 

!!! 

"Oh, so you're getting my meaning?" 

He nodded. He wanted to smack himself for not realizing it for himself. "There are things I want to tell her for that moment only..."

He then looked up at Azuma, now more hopeful and determined. "But there are only very few things that I want to tell her that persist. You're telling me to prioritise that?" 

Azuma nodded. "It's going to take some time to organize those thoughts, so I thought if you still wanted to tell her all of that even after a month has passed, it would narrow down your list."

"Yeah. That could work. But how-" 

"It'll be delivered to her and read, of course. You just wanted it to be read by someone you can trust, right?" 

Masumi nodded again. "I want to write. Right now."

Azuma understood and pulled him away from the embrace. "Don't forget to write the date~" 

" 'Kay."

Seeing someone so brooding and serious like Masumi act cheerful and hyped up for once made Azuma smile. So he had his cute sides too. If only he showed these expressions to everyone...

Well. One step at a time, he supposed. 


	11. Sincerely, Your Violet Part 2 (Masumi Usui)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will you do if your heart will be taken away?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me 2 weeks ago: I won't shiptease MasuIzu
> 
> Also me: i wOnT sHipTeAsE mAsUiZu
> 
> Bias aside, I did try my best to make his obsession a lot less...tunnel vision-y. I also don't like how some misunderstand him as a one-dimensional yandere. It just feels like Masumi has a lot of love to give since he hadn't received much growing up. Izumi is a huge part of his life yes, but his grandmother is as well. In this fanfic, rest assured that his side as a doting grandson will have more spotlight.

Even opening greetings felt like rocket science. Before he knew it, two weeks have already passed. Not a single word had been written on paper. Meanwhile...

"...I need a new journal."

His diary had been filled to the brim.

Despite Azuma's assistance, the thoughts he wanted to say to his grandmother still outnumbered the thoughts that he didn't want to say to her. His heart had been weary, like it felt like it lost something of value.

"A journal for what?" 

The voice that called out to him made his weary thoughts become all the more restless. 

"Director..."

He didn't want to be seen by her like this. He shook his head. 

"It's nothing. I'm going."

"It's midnight."

Childish. Coward. This was why everyone he loved--

"Hey! Don't run away from me!"

Izumi's eyes looked at him, clear and undettered. 

Ahhh...it's so unfair. 

"You're going to tell me what's going on and that's final!" 

...this was why he loved her so much. 

"Your hand is really warm...director." He couldn't help the blush on his face. After a moment of contemplation, he squeezed her hand back and interlaced their fingers together. "This is the first time you initiated skinship..."

Izumi resigned to her fate and sighed. "Yeah yeah. Come on, I'll make you curry."

Masumi couldn't hide the grin curving up from his lips. 

"A loving wife's meal--" 

"IT'S NOT!" 

* * *

"Writer's block huh, well...we don't really need to write much letters unlike in the past."

Masumi nodded, feeling a bit guilty. He hadn't told her the entire truth. She had seen enough of his uncool side, and it felt like she wouldn't pry any further anyway. 

What he's more amazed at is how she was able to tell that he hadn't eaten much dinner that night. He thought he was the only one paying attention to her, but that was wrong. He hated to admit it but, she paid attention to everyone. She'd always been like that. 

"Thank you for the curry," 

"I'm just glad you look a lot better now."

"Bet...ter?"

Izumi smiled at him with narrowed eyes. She was facing across from him and had her palm resting on her cheek. "Your face reminded me of me a long, long time ago."

This caught his interest immediately. She rarely talked about herself. Well...she rarely talked to him like this actually. When Izumi laughed so prettily at him, he felt his heart stop for a second. "Fine, I'll tell you if you're that interested."

"!!!"

"I had the same look on your face when my father disappeared so suddenly." her cheerful tone had a hint of sadness to it. "I don't know the extent of your feelings, I'm not Azuma after all...but I do know that when I had that same look you had, it felt really painful, like my heart had been taken away."

A heart that was taken away? He supposed it did feel like that. The only person who had shown him love so openly might leave him, and with her absence, his heart which she held will be taken away as well. 

If he had no heart, how was he supposed to live? Was that why some people who receive love could never feel satisfied? Was it because their heart had been taken away as well, and the only person who could fill it will never come back?

"Director."

"Yes?"

"How can you live if your heart had been taken away?" 

Izumi's eyes widened; her hand gesturing at him as if telling him to wait while she thought up of something. The way her lips pouted in thoughtful consideration was adorable as well.

"I never thought about it that deeply, to be honest. I suppose I just try my best and live my life...does that make sense?" 

He laughed. "No it doesn't." 

"You should ask Azuma that. I'm sure he can offer better advice than me--" 

"I don't need to. You already helped me a lot. Thank you."

That's right. His grandmother didn't need to know how he'd been feeling sad or worried. Even in his letter, he knew she could tell right away. The things that were important and the things that would disappear if he let them slip by were the ones that mattered. 

She couldn't be by his side forever. But, he could make her a part of it in his penned words. Perhaps that was what Azuma had been telling him too. 

"Director, I want to ask a favour."

"Huh?"

* * *

"So? What's this about you three staying up late despite my precautions?" 

"I'm sorry." "Sorry." "I'm really sorry."

"My my, Omi I can understand. But didn't the two of you just had your sessions?" 

Izumi and Masumi looked at each other nervously. He didn't want to inconvenience Izumi any further so Masumi decided he would be the one to explain. 

"It's not the Director's fault. I asked her a favour last night," 

Azuma raised his eyebrow. 

"Thanks to her help, I was able to collate everything in my journal. The letter should be done soon."

"Masumi--"

"It's okay. Once this is all done, I think I can sleep well again. So please...don't get mad at her. It was my fault."

"But I'm not mad though."

Huh?

"I was just wondering about how you make such a strange pair. But now, you've given me an idea."

Was their combination that strange? If he grew any taller, he thought they'd look great together---

"Should Izumi bring the letter to her instead?" 

"I should bring what to who?" 

Azuma immediately understood the reason for Izumi's confusion and looked at Omi meaningfully. Omi nodded and excused himself out of the room. Once the three of them were alone, Masumi looked over at Izumi and started explaining everything. 

"My grandmother is currently admitted to the hospital and is really sick. I was too worried I'll...make her worse if I go there alone so I asked Azuma if he can read her a letter I'd write instead."

"Oh no, let me correct you on that. I asked you before, remember?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"I asked you if you wanted your letter to be read by someone you can trust and you agreed. The agreement doesn't exclusively pertain to me." Azuma's smile made Izumi shudder. She knew it had all been coincidental, but the way he looked at her and Masumi felt like he was telling them that it was all part of his master plan. She was glad they were friends, really. He'd make a frightening opponent. 

Surprisingly, Masumi was the one who declined. "I'll go by myself."

"No you won't," Azuma said. 

"But...why? I'm feeling a lot better now."

"Are you certain you can keep it together if you go alone? What happens if you see the actual state she's in? Can you hold on to your word?" 

Izumi was worried. The way Masumi's lips trembled and looked at the silver haired man, seemingly uncertain made her remember of the state he was in last night. She held his hand and squeezed it. She didn't really know what else to do. 

"Masumi doesn't have to go alone. I can go with him."

"Director..."

The smile Azuma had earlier was back. Crap! 

"Great! We can all go together earlier than planned! How does this weekend sound?" 

_'He tricked me. AGAIN!'_ Izumi thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final part of this entry should be up soon! Hopefully after the Journey to the West rerun!


	12. Sincerely, Your Violet Part 3 ~Final~ (Masumi Usui)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> > **warm the cockles of one's heart**
>> 
>> to bestow a feeling of contentment, to kindle warm feelings in a person, especially of happiness and felicity. 
>> 
>> [(source)](https://grammarist.com/idiom/warm-the-cockles-of-ones-heart/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is long overdue, but I want to thank everyone who had been leaving nice comments on SD. Truthfully speaking, I had a serious case of burnout after ranking for the exclusive title on the Alex in Wonderland event and haven't recovered since. I love A3's story and especially its characters but I still have bad memories of waking up every 2 hours 'cause my stamina gauge gets full and I need to burn dia again lol (seeing the word "encore" also triggers my gaming PTSD lmao).
> 
> Your comments are what keeps me going to finish this series. I'm not a writer so I'm experiencing a lot of first times while writing this. So thank you again for the kudos, subscriptions, bookmarks, love and patience, etc. I can go on. Just know you're all awesome and I hope SSR and good night's sleep comes to y'all. :)

There was an expression Masumi read in an English novel that stuck to him: _warm the cockles of one's heart_. He remembered it was summer vacation in their family's resthouse. His parents canceled their plans of spending his final week of vacation with him because of an unexpected problem at work. He remembered being inconsolable, throwing tantrums and making a fuss in hopes that it would bring them back. His tears dried out like his hopes. He remembered how attentive the caretaker was, perhaps unconsciously too, as compensation for things he couldn't do for him, a lonely child. That caretaker liked reading, and would often bring his daughter so she can read for him, as his eyes aren't really good at reading small letters anymore. He would ask him how he liked the story over some warm milk and freshly baked cookies while would listen to his little self without any prejudice. He remembered being fond of the sweet old man, especially for what he did for him.

What was it that he said after his tears had dried?

> _"I'll do something about it, so don't worry. Don't cry."_

And he did. He called over his grandmother in the resthouse and he spent the rest of his summer vacation in loving company. However, the day he brought his grandmother over was also the last time he had ever seen him. He only found out about his unfortunate death a few years after he went back to the resthouse with his daughter informing him of the sad news.

> _"He left you something, young master."_

She told him with the same caring smile she had given him in his childhood.

It was a novel. A love story written by a budding American author. His daughter told him it was his favourite. That unexpected visit changed his life forever.

It was the first time Masumi had ever realized the certainty of death. Perhaps he knew what happened to the old caretaker deep down, but didn't know how to describe it because of his inexperience. Or perhaps he did know but he didn't really put any meaning behind it as he hadn't seen it for himself.

He hadn't read the book until recently, as for some reason, he felt like getting even close to touching it would taint his image of the very few happy memories he had of his childhood. Or maybe he still had not accepted death as something natural and fair, one which chooses his people not.

After all, he only chose to read it to drown out the worrying thoughts he had of his grandmother. But you know what? 

Finally reading it made him realise something. 

...it was that it wasn't death itself that bothered him, but the fact that he had regrets. 

He regretted the fact that he could have spent more summer vacations in the resthouse, that he could have read more novels, and maybe told the people that matter just how much they mean to him. 

He regretted keeping his acting a secret, he regretted not visiting his grandmother more, not inviting her to his performances, not telling her enough just how much he loved her...

Death was inevitable, but regrets can be avoided. 

As they neared their destination, he couldn't help but wonder if there would ever be those nostalgic times again, when the cockles of his heart felt warmth, where he could confidently say he was happy and had no regrets. 

"Masumi."

Izumi called out to him. "We're almost there. Wake up."

Groggy, he responded by speaking the first thought he had out loud. "I had a strange dream."

"He hasn't been sleeping well lately, so it's a pleasant surprise to hear he had been dreaming." Azuma chimed in, looking back at Masumi from the backseat. "Especially with Izumi's...questionable driving."

"Hahaha." Izumi laughed, deadpan. "My driving is perfectly fine. I have a license and everything!" 

"...so that's what they call a means to an end," 

"A-zu-maaaaa..."

"Tell me more about your dream, Masumi~ Do you want coffee milk too?" 

"Maybe I should reconsider this week's practice."

"I'm joking fufu~" 

Pfft. Their banter effectively lifted his spirits. He answered them back. "Eyes on the road, Director. You haven't parked properly yet."

Izumi's eyes widened as she realized who the incessant beeping sound from the back was pertaining to. "Right, sorry!" 

Why did he dream about something that happened so long ago? 

He was unaware that his distant look did not go unnoticed, as the lazy smiles of one licensed cuddle therapist followed his line of sight for the rest of their trip. 

* * *

"Izumi, can I talk to you for a second?" 

Izumi looked at Masumi who was at the receptionist's desk and then back at him. "Something he couldn't hear, I suppose?"

Azuma nodded. "I want you to keep a close eye on him." He couldn't help but worry, especially with how he couldn't do it himself while he was reading Masumi's letter. "Please."

"That's why we're here right?" Izumi understood immediately. "More for him than for his grandmother."

"I'm surprised. Please don't take it in offense, director. But I thought you were cautious of him." that was a lie, of course. But he had to say it to get her to realise some things for herself. 

There was a timid smile that crossed her face for a while before it disappeared when she sighed. "Azuma, I think I get it now. Why Masumi loves like that."

This wasn't the response he was expecting, but it was a welcome surprise. "Why?" 

Then, Izumi looked back at Masumi who was talking with a nurse stationed nearby. He seemed very focused about something; a mature look all of them rarely see in him. 

"I thought for something so obsessive, it felt selfless. That's the kind of love she taught him. Now I know why he seems so shaken when he heard she was ill." she tightened her fists, as if being reminded of something painful. "His parents are never around, so to him, she's probably the only person he has left."

A gentle hand stroked Izumi's head. "He has the Mankai Company, he has us." There was a short pause before he spoke again. "He has you."

Before she could even reply to Azuma, Masumi had returned. "She's moved from the ICU to her own private room on the third floor. Nurse said she can't speak but she can hear us. She just woke up from a nap."

Azuma and Izumi looked at each other in understanding. "Okay, I'll go up there with the letter. In the meantime, why don't the two of you stay here in the lobby?" Azuma suggested, quickly countered by a flustered Masumi. 

"That's-" 

"You can come after I read it to her. How does that sound?" 

Masumi looked up at Azuma in surprise. "I can come?.... Really?" 

Izumi nodded. "If you can calm down before you see her. Right, Azuma?" 

"Of course."

Wasn't he calm?... Or not. His hands were cold, and a certain part of his shirt was crumpled by how much he had been gripping it. 

"You're right...I'm a mess." Maybe it was a bad idea to come after all. What if his grandmother gets worse because of the state he was in? She always puts others above herself after all-

"Masumi." the warmth of Azuma's hands enveloped his cheeks. The firm tone of the older man brought him clarity once again. "It'll be okay. You want to see her, right?" 

He nodded slowly, his eyes starting to sting. 

"You will. So get a grip. Greet her like you usually do. That's the least you can do for her."

He's right. Oh, what had he been thinking? Of course it was difficult for him, but it was difficult for his grandmother too. "Okay, Director and I will stay here until you're gone."

"What a good kid~ Haiii, I'll be back in no time." Masumi didn't like how Azuma had been treating him like a child, but he supposed it was warranted treatment after his consistent childish behaviour. 

He tried not to think of anything else as Azuma's back slowly disappeared in their sight. 

Get a grip. Right. 

"Uhm, want to eat something while we wait, Masumi? My treat!" 

He smiled, taking Izumi aback. "I'd love that."

* * *

It had been a few weeks since their hospital visit. His grandmother isn't exactly in a state where he could talk to her, but the nurses reassured him that she was doing a lot better than before. She reassured him that his letters had been helping her get well, and that he should continue it as much as he could. 

As his hospital visits became more and more frequent, he started getting calmer and more put together such that he could stop by and read his letters to her alone. 

...of course he didn't know that even then, there would always be company. 

Azuma and Izumi were very supportive of him, and were always there for him when his visits are in conflict with school and practice. They would offer him a shoulder to lean on, and quiet company when he wasn't in the best state for neither conversation nor lonesomeness. 

Things were still a wreck, but he stopped worrying about it being a wreck and started doing something to fix things. When Azuma would tease him about it, telling him "He's climbing the stairway to adulthood," he would laugh instead of being annoyed. In fact, he was laughing a lot more lately. He started initiating the cuddling in his sessions too. Was this his way of coping? Perhaps. But was it helping him? Yes. And so much more than he thought. 

Reality isn't always so simple. Just because he deeply wished for things to go perfectly didn't mean it will, at least not immediately. However, there was a huge difference from the little boy who cried for his mother to the...not so little boy trying to live his life: he wasn't alone. Not anymore. No. 

His grandmother and him are not against the world. His parents aren't warm and affectionate, but they were trying their best. Love isn't something that should be feared. He realised that when he fell in love with Izumi. 

It was something to be cherished, to be held of value. It is something, as the corny passages of his favourite caretaker's novel stated: that which warms the cockles of one's heart. 


	13. The Bellflower Prince and the Curry Princess (Muku Sakisaka)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A decent sleep was actually the friends we made along the way.

The blush of spring covered everything in pink. From the sky dotted with cherry blossom petals that scattered in a gust of wind, to the unsuspecting ones that land on a clueless student's hair--it was a peaceful, mundane day.  
.  
.  
...  
...If only the youthfulness of spring could reflect the current mood of that said student. Unfortunately, reality didn't have that luxury.

"Muku, watch out for that...post." Yuki's warning came a little too late, for now the said person named "Muku" had a very prominent bump on his forehead.

"That looked like it hurt." Yuki grimaced, holding out a finger. "Hey, how many am I holding up?"

Muku's puffy eyes were still squinting from the pain of the impact when he softly said (or was it asked?), 

"....twelve?"   
.   
.   
..   
"That's it. You're going home."

It took a lot of shouting, coercing, crying (Muku is VERY passionate about academics) and adults' assistance (adults=Azuma and Izumi who were on their way to the hospital) before the stubborn, sleep-deprived shoujo manga fanatic was persuaded to take an absence for that day.

"Huh? What's a kid doing here...?"

Muku noticed the small child reading a picture book by the living room after having his bump treated by Homare. The author was free for a while so he could gather some information for his next work, and had been happy to help Azuma who had too many things to do. 

"Saki Suzuhara; she's Azuma's client. She'll have her nap time once Azuma returns."

Curiosity got to Muku upon seeing that the child was reading something. He had always been a bookworm, and was always interested to see other people's reading preferences no matter the age group. 

"Saki-chan is a little shy. Try not to scare her off, won't you?" 

!!! 

What is this feeling of camaraderie?

Muku peeked at the cover of her picture book and his eyes widened as he read the title. 

"Katou and the Catbus! I loved that book!" He covered his mouth as soon as he realised his mistake. Sheepishly, he added. "Sorry, did I scare you? IshouldhaveknownatotalwasteofspacelikemecouldonlyhurtotherpeopleIdontdeservetoevenbreathethesameairasyou--" 

Saki blinked her little eyes at him and smiled. "You talk really fast, just like Katou!" 

'She didn't get scared of me. Or disgusted. Or appalled. Saki-chan is a nice kid!' Muku thought to himself as his grin widened. "Are you waiting for Azuma?" 

Saki shook her head. "No, Saki is waiting for Azun! He makes the bad dreams go away."

"Bad dreams?" 

Saki nodded her little head. "Saki always has bad dreams...Mama goes far far away and never comes back." the little girl's eyes became teary but she didn't cry. "Mama doesn't love Papa anymore so she doesn't love Saki anymore too...That's why Saki wants to grow up for Papa so he wouldn't be lonely when Mama leaves! Azun says making the bad dreams go away will help Papa!".

Muku didn't expect the bombshell. Before he knew it, he was crying(ironically, Saki had to comfort him instead). 

"Saki is strong...like a grown-up." Muku said through his tears. 

"Unlike you, oniisan! You cry a lot like Katou!" 

The worried Homare who was standing by and looking at their exchange had a Kleenex ready once he saw the waterworks. 

"I suppose Saki-chan is right. But my name is not Katou. My name is Muku!" 

"Mukkun?" Saki's habit of adding "N" to people's names had been withstanding, and Muku rather liked the nickname. 

"Yep!" He giggled, "Hey, Saki-chan, do you want to read more books? I have plenty!" 

Saki immediately looked over at "Homawen" ("Azun's appointed guardian for her) for his approval, and gave her a nod. His agreement made the little girl clap in excitement, which both of her new friends found absolutely adorable. 

"You should sleep, Muku. But I suppose that bright look on your face says otherwise."

Muku's smile brightened only the more as he nodded, happy to find a new reading buddy. 

"Yep!"

* * *

"Dear oh, dear. And you're telling me he his head hadn't touched a pillow since I left?" Azuma sighed as he looked over at Muku and Saki, who were enjoying reading some shoujo manga together. 

"They just met this morning and became inseparable since." Homare shook his head, fondness evident in his tone as he complained on. 

"Well, this kills two birds in one stone at least."

"Scheming something again?" Homare teased the older gentleman who only gave him an unreadable smile. 

"You wound me, I'm simply taking advantage of a situation~" 

And who's to say he wasn't right? Muku and Saki were his "clients". Having them sleep together in the guise of a slumber party would help them both and himself. 

Mr. Suzuhara, Saki's father was currently busy with work and court proceedings so he was paid to take care of little Saki until the court trials were over. This means Saki had to stay over at the dorms until dinner when her father comes to pick her up. 

The two looked like a pair of siblings lost in their own world as they marveled over the ink-soaked pages. Azuma couldn't help but smile. "Saki-chan, it's time for your nap."

Little Saki froze for a bit upon hearing the familiar voice. She looked up at the source and upon realising who it was, jumped into his arms in glee. "Azun! You're back!" 

Azuma laughed in response. "I'm home."

Little Saki tugged Azuma's shirt and pointed at the pink-haired boy. "This is Mukkun! He's Saki's new best friend!" 

"Best friend?" 

"Mhm! We read lots! Like Papa!" 

Azuma suddenly had the urge to tease. "Oh? You read a lot, does it mean you were up until this time?" 

Saki nodded obliviously, unaware of Muku's inner turmoil. "Yep! We stayed up and read lots!" 

"Read lots huh? Is that true, 'Mukkun'?" 

"!!!!" 

He saw Muku flinch. "I--" And apparently, was also at loss for words. 

Having his fill of amusement, he winked at Muku and mouthed an 'I'm joking,' to him, which made the pink haired boy sigh in relief. 

"Actually, I thought up of something, Saki-chan."

Saki tilted her head curiously. "Azun thought up of what?" 

Azuma gave a slight smile. "Do you want to have a sleepover with Mukkun?" 

With his words, Saki's eyes lit up. "Can Saki do that?!" 

"Hmm...that depends. You need to ask for Mukkun's permission first."

Of course Muku immediately agreed. He was feeling a little sleepy, and having Azuma promise to read both of them a bedtime story sounded really really tempting. Before he knew it, three sleeping bags were placed on the living room. With the help of Matsukawa and Homare, a blanket fort was set by the sofas. 

"Saki has a great idea!" she chirped cheerily and leaned on both their ears. 

"Let's all hug each other to make the bad dreams go away!" 

It didn't take a lot of convincing for both Muku and Azuma to have their sleeping bags huddle together as the older male encircled both of his clients in his arms. 

"This is nice." (Muku) 

"Right?! Saki is a genius!" 

"Now, where on earth did you hear that from?" (Azuma) 

"Homawen!" she answered happily without missing a beat, and all of them shared a laugh before the bedtime stories continued on. 

* * *

Who knew a 5-year old could endear an entire acting company so much? Saki had been an unwelcome surprise--her cheerful presence helped on soothing the weary hearts of their actors. Even Azuma, who suffered the brunt of the stress felt more invigorated while he was on sessions with Saki. Slumber parties became more frequent as well (with Kazunari's insistence), and because she was so thoughtful and well-behaved, even the harsher members (mostly Sakyo) softened their hearts.

Contrary to his worries of bringing his work to their dorms, none of his friends seemed to be troubled at all. Muku, in particular, who got insomnia because of being too empathetic with his troupe members had gotten a lot better. 

However, even peaceful days should come to an end.

"Saki's father won her custody."

"Then why that frown on your face, Azu? Isn't that good news?" asked Kazunari.

For a while, there was only silence. The clatter of silverware on the dinner table had been grating as everyone awaited his reply in anticipation. Dinner was the only time all of them can gather together, and he really wished there was another opportunity to break the news. Sadly, he understood that all of them had their lives to live. 

"Mr. Suzuhara has to go overseas for his work. And...he's taking Saki-chan with him."

The silence continued afterwards and no one spoke a word. 

Dinner had been awkward that night. 

* * *

"Come in, Muku."

"Uhm...Azuma. I know it's not my turn today but, can I ask you something?" 

Masumi looked over at Muku and frowned. "What? You're already here anyway so spit it out."

"Masumi..." Azuma warned. "He means well, I promise."

"Um-" 

Masumi shrugged. "I don't really care. If you want me to go out for a bit, I'd do that."

"UM!" Muku's shout stopped Masumi on his tracks. "I...I actually think I need your help too, if that's okay."

"Not intereste--" 

"I want to make the Director the heroine for my picture book, and you know a lot about her so..."

Masumi's demeanor immediately changed. "You're right. I'm interested."

Azuma couldn't help but sigh. 

The mood in the dorms became a bit better once Banri started cooking dinner again. Apparently, the resident yankii had been so "fed up with everyone's drama" so he went all out with dinner and cooked a feast. His Macaroni Gratin on his "debut" even paled in comparison.

Muku wanted to help on cheering up everyone as well, so he decided to start writing an outline for a picture book he was planning to give to Saki before she leaves for overseas. It wasn't easy to do it alone however, so he asked for everyone's help. 

The next day, with Masumi, Tsuzuru, Homare and Kazunari helping Muku with brainstorming, the motions to publish the picture book for Saki-chan had finally begun. Tsuzuru and Homare were in charge of the writing, while Kazunari and Misumi lent a hand with the designs. Masumi was there to ensure his "precious director was in character", and Muku oversaw the whole thing, making sure it goes smoothly. 

They only had 2 weeks to prepare everything, and everyone didn't always have the same schedule so it was a struggle to hold any meetings, but they finally managed to pull through on the nick of time. 

If you're wondering how Muku was able to convince Azuma to do such a demanding task, it was actually quite easy. Everyone just had to promise to sleep properly and not let the book making get in the way of their treatment. 

The difficult part however, was Izumi...who didn't quite like the idea of being the "heroine" on the picture book, and even argued that Yuki would have made a cuter one (to which Yuki agreed with). She eventually gave in though when Tsuzuru negotiated for her character to become the "Curry Princess" instead of the initial "Tulip Princess" in the drafts. 

Masumi's suggestion (read:demand) for him to become the "Curry Prince's Husband" however, was rejected. 

"I don't want to go, Papa!" Saki continued clinging to Azuma who gave Mr. Suzuhara a troubled expression. 

"Saki..." Mr. Suzuhara was a well-meaning man, however he was not very good with words. Raising a daughter by himself was a new experience and he realised his gruff way of speaking needed work. He was struggling with how he should speak to her so much that he managed to stay silent for an awfully long time. 

"Saki-chan, you're going to miss your flight." Even Azuma couldn't soothe the usually obedient child. Saki continued clinging to him with a shaking head. 

"If Saki goes, Saki won't ever see you again." Her tears started spilling out despite her efforts on holding them back. Before he knew it, his pants were now stained with her tears. 

"I thought Saki-chan wanted to be a grown-up for her Papa?" it was not until Muku's intervention did Saki started listening. In his hand was the picture book that everyone worked hard to make for her.

"What's that?" Saki rubbed her eyes as he looked up at the pink haired boy. 

"It's a magic book!" 

"Magic book?" 

"Mhm! A magic book that will make Saki-chan become our friend forever!" 

Muku's words made the little child starry-eyed. She accepted the picture book with glee and read out the cover page. A beautiful illustration of a Prince, a Princess and a little fairy welcomed her fascinated eyes. 

"The Befoweh Pwince and the...Cuwwy Pwincess?" She was still struggling with her r's, so the title was read with an awkward inflection. 

"Mhm! Everyone made it for you!" 

"Why?-!!" 

A teary hug became Muku's answer, as the pink haired boy answered for her with a smile. "Because we love you, Saki-chan!" 

* * *

The story of the Bellflower Prince and the Curry Princess was a simple story of friendship and bonds--it starts when the two characters, the Bellflower Prince and the Curry Princess met and became the best of friends. Their two opposing kingdoms were touched by their friendship and devotion to each other that they finally stopped the war and entered in an alliance. 

However, now that the war was over, the two kingdoms had to go back to their own territories so the Prince and the Princess had no choice but to separate. This made both of them very sad. 

A kindhearted Flower Fairy saw the Bellflower Prince's tear stained face and took pity on him, so she decided to help him to be reunited with his best friend again. 

However, even with his parent's permission, the journey to the Curry Kingdom was filled with danger and peril. With the help of the Flower Fairy and some friends he met along the way, he was able to overcome them all. The Curry Kingdom welcomed the Bellflower Prince with open arms and the Prince and Princess were reunited again. 

As the Prince looked back in his journey, he realised that in believing and cherishing the friendship he had with the Princess, he also made other precious friends in the process. The Prince introduced the Princess to the Flower Fairy and the three became the best of friends forevermore. 

Muku hoped that with reading the story, Saki will realise that their friendship will endure any distance and adversity. He also hoped that Saki will learn the preciousness of establishing bonds with other people just as how she and Azuma helped him make all his bad dreams "go away". 

"Do you think Saki-chan liked the book we all made?" Muku looked up at Azuma with sleepy eyes. The silver haired man's gaze softened as he gave Muku's back some gentle, soothing strokes. 

"Of course. I'm sure she's reading it now, actually."

"But it's still morning there." 

Sleepy babble was adorable, Azuma thought to himself as he laughed quietly. 

"That's just how much she likes it."

Muku's forehead creased, as if he wanted to retort, but his drowsiness got the best of him and was now on the verge of succumbing to sleep. Instead, he nuzzled closer to his companion and yawned. 

"Good night, Azuma."

"Good night, Bellflower Prince."


	14. Yawn of the Orchid (Tasuku Takato)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azuma and Tasuku made a bet: if Tasuku would stop yawning in practice, he would have more time for rehearsing and Azuma would stop bothering him for cuddle sessions.
> 
> Tasuku was determined, being the workaholic he is, but ultimately fails upon Azuma's schemes. Cuddling ensues, much to Tasuku's dismay.

The bedsheets rustled with Azuma's playful movements. A warm hug enveloped his companion's back--his long silver hair dangling at the side of his neck. His said companion remained motionless, but you can clearly see the displeased expression on his face; like a teenage son desperately brushing off his mother's affectionate pet names or gestures in front of his friends--- only, Azu's "son" isn't teenage at all, nor did he have an abundance of friends (Tsumugi doesn't count).

"You lost, so face your punishment."

No response. It wasn't like Tasuku didn't try to pry the older man out of him. He simply wouldn't budge. A few pokes on the cheek later and he finally relented.

"I didn't yawn."

"Oh? My eyes were on you (for) all this time. I definitely saw a yawn."

"You have a lot of free time for someone who's busy."

"Mmm...I poured all of it on people watching--you in particular."

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Mhm! After I win the bet, I'll think of something~"

Unbelievable. Tasuku shook his head and tried to recall what happened earlier this morning.

Feeling frustrated with the slow place of their practices lately, he requested Izumi's permission to stay up later at night to rehearse on his own. But due to the current "epidemia" in the dorms, bedtime hours had been strict and the Director couldn't help but tell him to comply with the temporary policies.

"You can ask Azuma about it if you want. He's currently in charge when it comes to that."

Izumi's strained smile indicated her discomfort. From the looks of it, Tasuku knew that he wasn't the first to ask. Now, talking to Izumi was one thing, but negotiating with Azuma another--despite his easygoing smiles and flippant attitude, he was an adult with a ton of experience with people. He knew how to persuade, to talk his way out of things, and most importantly, Tasuku realised, that if the older man willed it, he would be at his mercy. Whether with some elaborate bets or blackmail material, he didn't know--obviously, he had little faith. He wasn't good with people like him.

Still, as fate would will it, his unease also brought out curiosity. Of what lied beneath the mysterious smiles, his glib tongue and motherly way of treating his fellow actors. Some curiosity it is, as it led him to the spider's trap.

_'Perhaps I'll think about it',_ he says in singsong. _'Just don't yawn for the rest of the day. Doing otherwise would mean more cuddling sessions for you (Poor Taichi).'_

Poor Taichi indeed.

It had been a laborious, almost Herculean feat--to hold back a yawn with Azuma's seemingly all-seeing eyes. His drive to succeed led him to overlook the unfairness of their deal. It had been one-sided, with little consequence on Azuma's part. But it was too late to back down. His pride wouldn't allow for any more negotiations.

So he endured. He resisted, the glory of winning blinding him, tempting him to look at Azuma and see him, for the very first time he'd ever known him...lose his composure. Yet at they very last seconds of their deal, with his strained eyes and sore mouth aching for relaxation, he was met with a pitfall--an unfair, underhanded and petty retaliation that sealed his fate.

Azuma yawned at him in greeting, offering small talk like it was nothing. And it was in his human nature to greet back--all gestures he unknowingly mirrored. Fuck. 

Azuma's smirk said it all. His smiling eyes reminding him of his failures. 

"It's getting pretty late: I couldn't help it." A pathetic excuse if he'd ever hear one. He was playing his games at that palm of his hand!

...yet he was too tired to get angry. The more he simmered in his thoughts, the more he realised the uncertainty of Azuma's agreement.

An "I'll think about it", partnered with an equally doubtful "perhaps", wrapped in a neat ribbon of words he wanted to hear from him in the first place---Azuma had him at checkmate from the start.

He nodded to himself, whether from the drowsiness he was succumbing to, or an affirmation of his one-trackmindedness (does it matter at this point? He already lost). A kind hand held his face and beckoned him to sleep.

Did kindness have heartbeats? His arms wrapped around its warmth and melted away his anxieties. It talked to him of pleasant nonsense---words of comfort a grown man would be too bashful to admit that he'd want to hear. It was ironic, really--for all the experience and harsh realities the world would throw one at, the ones who are more prone to its tides also had the softest hearts. A few rough nudges and it would crumble into dust, leaving nothing but bitter jadedness and nihilism. Even a child wouldn't get so weak with hearing sincere compliments. Most of his affirmations came from himself, and it wasn't always confident of its own accomplishments, fearing its own small space of knowledge and experience--its inevitable limitations.

When he woke up the next day, his heart felt lighter--- as if all of his stress disappeared along with his eyebags. There was Azuma sitting on the bed beside him--a book at hand and a gentle "Good morning" in greeting.

What did he want to say to him? His anger was nothing but annoyance now--already forgiven once his head hit the pillows. 

_"You tricked me?"_

_"You're unfair?"_

_"Wasn't it Taichi's turn last night?"_

But it all seemed wrong.

Instead he felt his mouth open, his eyes squinting from the sunlight peeking at the blinds nearby.

The impish smile on Azuma's face said it all:

"See? You did it again!"

_Well_. Good morning to him too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't touched A3 for a very long time so if I've got any information wrong (like how some characters address each other) or if they're outdated, I apologise in advance. This was almost finished in my drafts so I decided to publish this.
> 
> I'm currently on social media hiatus due to IRL problems (+emotional exhaustion and stress) so updates for my current stories will be slow. I'll try to finish the drafts I already have, but I couldn't promise regular updates for now.
> 
> Thank you very much for reading! Your comments and support mean a lot. :)

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this series to my insomniac ass and to any people who also suffer from chronic sleep disorders. I wish we have an Azuma in our lives but this is the next best thing.


End file.
